The BileBlog

Terracotta pimpage galore

Of all the vendor pitches we’ve had to stomach, I think the terracotta set is probably the most brazen and ludicrous.

For one thing, the title is somewhat misleading. It’s called ‘clustering your Java Application in under an hour with no API’s’. Perhaps a better title is ‘How We Implemented a Specific Solution To A Specific Problem When Someone Paid Us Enough Money’.

Terracotta, on first blush, is an Evil Company. They’re decided that they need to adopt a JBossian mode of marketing; badmouth other people to get noticed. Their next talk is something like ‘get rid of your distributed hashmap’, a clear dig at Tangosol. Fine, you guys have a different approach, is it really a wise move to try to badmouth a company with a truly unique and kickass product, with tons of customers and deployments, with a proven track record?

Impressively, they managed to buy TechTarget off and gain a session AND a BOF of pure vendor fappery.

The technology is not bad, it’s driven by the oligatory xml file, and does some pretty penis arousing stuff under the hood. It’s a shame they’re being so twatty and negative about the whole thing.

In fact, this is way too much of a vendor pitch, the two drones up front are boring and say ‘our product’ one too many times for my taste. I’m wandering off to something slightly less nauseating, or maybe I’ll really punish myself and see the other vendor pitch going on right now, nexaweb!

5 minutes later…

Good lord. Is this a lunch keynote or something? The two nexaweb drones up on stage are happily asking each OTHER questions! ‘So Bob, what can I deploy this on?’, ‘I have a lot of questions for you, Bob’. Thankfully, the talk finishes early. Clearly the two witty chaps on stage ran out of scintillating banter to toss back and forth.

These guys are hugely pleased by the fact that you get to do everything in xml, and write no code! xml after all is the new universal language, where everything can be done without a single line of code! So spoogetastic.

Again, the stink of money is in the air, these guys have bought a booth outside, so evidently they can spout off and talk utter gibberish, as long as the right pockets are lined.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 24th, 2006 at 6:19 pm and is filed under Java. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.