JavaOne from a distance
Maybe I’m old, cynical and jaded. Maybe I’m bitterly jealous that I had to cancel my trip to JavaOne at the last minute, or maybe I have very low tolerance for bad writers. The end result of this is that I am finding the coverage of javaone from most (well, all so far) bloggers to be horrifically boring, dull, repetitive, and lacking of any sort of personality.
Maybe that’s not so surprising. Geeks are, after all, geeky types. Bloggers in particular are delighted that they have reason to post without having to actually think. Even worse are those who feel that their blog is a note-taking exercise, there for their personal usage, totally devoid of any awareness of the poor bastard readers who have to wade through that nonsense.
Maybe the initial awe factor is too high, and it takes time for their cute little brains to slowly digest all the material they’ve ingested. Maybe in the coming days, we’ll see more useful observations and more interesting coverage where the observer has actually tried to put actual thought and effort into communicating, instead of the current mindless drone approach.
So what has happened at JavaOne so far? We have about forty bloggers all repeating some variation of the following:
So come on bloggers, surely to god you can do better than that? We all know you’re a dimwitted bunch, but are you really that soulless? Do you really have so little personality that the best you can do is a drone like repetition of your current sensory input?
June 28th, 2005 at 9:50 am
#1 post haha
June 28th, 2005 at 9:52 am
yeah it really sucks this year without you hani!!! i will just read your blog on javaone from last year again.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:35 am
maybe its time to upgrade to JavaTwo, is it out yet ?
June 28th, 2005 at 11:14 am
Hmmmmm, I must say I do disagree with that. I am a regular on Avalon and I have met a few of the players on MUD2, they have all said that even though the styles are very different and you cant really run a direct comaparison, they still found Avalon to be way harder and more challenging. Also the depth of it and the fight system is much better developed and takes way longer to appreciate fully. Mind you, having said that, it is also pretty apparent that MUD2 is one of the better organised commercial muds which does offer a fine service. Not a touch on Avalon, mind you. Hehehehe.
Honey
June 28th, 2005 at 11:28 am
Where are the pictures of the fugly people looking perplexed and awkward? I need some for a collage I’m making.
June 28th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
My company didn’t feel it was necessary for me to attend this year. I feel so left out.
Hani, at least you attended TSS earlier this year. My email to management requesting the TSS conference wasn’t even answered. Twice.
Oh well, it’s those times when you start looking for another job.
June 28th, 2005 at 12:29 pm
Why did you cancel? Are you taking dance-classes? Muahahaha …
June 28th, 2005 at 12:39 pm
Here’s a summary of the Sun keynotes for you. Sun likes to Share, they love Bono, cellphones IBM, and Brazilians. Their next app Server isn’t even close to being complete, but it’s open source and Sun has always loved open source too. Maybe if you walk around the event wearing a flag on your back, they’ll say they love Hani too.
June 28th, 2005 at 3:38 pm
asdfasdfasdf
June 28th, 2005 at 3:39 pm
hani,
it’s time u pulled ur socks up and spruced up ur already crappy, repetitive, boring language. do i have to tell u how unimaginative, repetitive, boring u r beginning to get? every crappy, unimaginative blog entry of yours these days carries the same old repetitive, crooning, boring, unimaginative, repetitive, repititive, repetitive words. do cut the repetitive, crappy, unimaginative language. the repetitive, unimaginative, crappy words like soulless for instance? ;)
u found me friggin repetitive?
nofriggingregards
June 28th, 2005 at 4:29 pm
If I were there I’d tell you all about my shitcapades, but alas I am not. I guess I’ll just dump in the same toilet I dump in everyday…ho hum.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:01 pm
Last time I went to the can in the Esplanade, the asshat before me sprayed his diarrhea all over the damn place.
I shouted after him: “Hey, you’d make a good contributor to JSR 241″
And also, what the hell is it with these friggin’ slobs???
I mean, SOAP had meaning prior to becoming a W3C standard!
For shit sakes people, take a god damned shower and brush your friggin’ teeth. If one more fat, overslept, didn’t-comb-hair or brush-teeth or use-deodorant sloppy-ass nerdy mother fucker wearing-the-same-clothes-as-yesterday sits his fat ass next to me I think I’m going to go ba-fucking-llistic.
I walked up to Walgreens there on Market St. and bought a can of Oust. I think I’ll just carry it in my new JavaOne backpack and spray the next smelly ass fuckwad who comes near me.
I bet they all walk around with shitstains in their shorts –too busy rushing around getting free pens and boffing each other in the bofs to take change clothes and bathe.
Ok….I’m done for now.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:12 pm
Hani,
Poor you!
You missed the gay pride parade!!!! We, all the JavaOne participants, joined the parade. We had lots of fun with those village people.
June 29th, 2005 at 2:04 am
Shit Hani! Where the fuck are u?
It’s a fucking bore this year. The only damn thing to look forward to is Dennis Miller tomorrow night. . . except maybe the web framework smackdown tomorrow.
I’m sitting in the fucking Open Symphony session and the fuckers were supposed to cover a whole shitload of components and they skinnied it down to WebFlow!!!! What a piece of asswipe.
BTW, don’ go into the bathrooms here. Something crawled up the ass of every mother fucker here and died – damn it stinks. . .
June 29th, 2005 at 2:10 am
“blog”, or as it should more likely be called a journal or diary.. blog is a silly word, and i hate it.
of course, you’re doing it, so you’re apparently also included in with your ‘dimwitted bunch’ comment, eh?
June 29th, 2005 at 5:56 am
The “fugly people looking perplexed and awkward”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/83504529@N00
June 29th, 2005 at 12:49 pm
Hmm; look at this: http://www.mergere.com/about.php
June 29th, 2005 at 3:53 pm
Here’s my wednesday update–I guess I could be Hani’s guest blogger, blogging by proxy:
Those JBoss guys are a real hoot.
Really….it’s a laugh a minute with those clowns.
I’m in clown punching paradise when I’m around them–clowns, the whole shagging lot.
So, I had the displeasure of getting caught walking to the Moscone center with a group of them. I tried to divert my stare, but that Norman Richards is such a gorky looking fellow. He was wearing the single most retarded looking T-shirt I have ever seen. It’s white with red letters that proclaim: “Vote for Jboss” in the most dorky font ever. It really was the coup de grace for his entire motif. Truly a hideous sight. At least he didn’t stink–hallelujah to that.
But the real hilarity started not when I laid eyes on these clowns, rather when I started to listen to their conversation.
Jboss clown1: “So, you been to any of the sessions?”
Jboss clown2: “A few, they sucked. Well, the EJB 3 one was good.” (har har har)
Jboss clown1: “But that stuff is old.”
Jboss clown2: “Well for us it is, but for everyone else: WOOOOO! It’s so far over their heads.”
Jesus, where does it end with these cock smokers? I mean how frigging pretentious can you be? Give me a break. It was hard to suppress the urge to stuff my foot up all their asses.
So, then I went to a somewhat interesting session on how to crash web-services. Sometimes we’re all so focused on getting stuff to work with the right data, that we forget to look just how miserably the shit will bomb out when some assclown gives you unexpected data. He focused on inherent weaknesses in xml parsers and the gaping holes left open when implementing loosely coupled systems using web services. I’d never heard of the “million laughs” exploit, but I have to say, it’s pretty damned funny, especially since there are Web services out there (even at Amazon who has been touting theirs all week) that are vulnerable to this.
The web frameworks smackdown session ought to be a good lead-in to Dennis Miller, so it should be a somewhat entertaining day.
Well, I’m off like a prom dress….gonna sit in on a Project Looking Glass session because at least it’s something I haven’t seen 1000 times before.
June 29th, 2005 at 5:42 pm
JavaOne became one big shite vendor infested dog and pony show a long time ago. It isn’t even worthy of comment.
June 29th, 2005 at 6:31 pm
Bill Joy? Is that you???
June 30th, 2005 at 6:04 am
For those of you who want to know, I could not make it cuz my dick fell off. Its a result of the syphilis I contracted a few years ago in Vegas. I was celebrating the relese of JBoss with the JBoss & Apache guys. What can I say, we hired a stripper and things got out of hand; he was the most gorgeous transvestite you have ever seen…
June 30th, 2005 at 10:37 am
The best post on this blog is actually a comment, made here:
” Why did you cancel? Are you taking dance-classes? Muahahaha …”
June 30th, 2005 at 2:09 pm
Who is Kyle and why am I punching him? I should be punching that damn clown!
July 1st, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Good Interview, for sure…..I had never seen that before.
Hani, just for clarification, in your answer to the first question you say:
“I have many hats in fact…”
Would one of those be, in fact, an asshat?
If so, how often do you wear your asshat?
Anyway, so sad you couldn’t make it this year, but you didn’t miss much. The Web Frameworks Smackdown was a bore. I was actually hoping for some sort of entertaining verbal jousting between the groups, but it was just a bunch of pussyfooting around and self-ego stroking with no real substance whatsoever. A more appropriate title would have been “Web Frameworks Circlejerk.”
No sign of Rod Johnson (har har har) at that session, however, due primarily to the fact that he no longer needs his ego stroked (his rod and his johnson not withstanding) after the BEA announcement. Cameron actually introduced me to Rod, and he seems to be a pretty sensible guy.
So, backing up a bit, I managed to surface and reveal myself to Cameron at the Tangosol booth. He looked pretty bored, so I figured that it would be worth a laugh to at least introduce myself–sans name-tag to protect my real identity (mild-mannered j2ee developer for the Daily Enema).
However anticlimactic it was, he seemed to enjoy the opportunity to break away from the booth for a bit. Unfortunately, I think I wasted my “15 minutes” being walked around the Moscone center being introduced to people as “the Clown Puncher from the Bile Blog”. But it was nice to be able to ask Cameron a few questions, and I got a new Coherence T-shirt out of it.
Other than that, same fare as always. It’s getting old listening to the same stuff being re-hased 15 different ways and listening to clowns rant on about how great it would be to have Ruby and Python support in the JVM, or how web framework XYZ is better than JSF because it’s built on top of JSF.
So, Hani, be glad you didn’t waste the time this year. Maybe taking a year off will somehow make next years show more worthy?
July 6th, 2005 at 1:12 pm
If there were ever a “J2EE Idol” show on television, Hani would be the perfect replacement for Simon. Witty and the best part is he knows what he is talking about.
Hani! Hani! Hani! Hani! Come on, sing with me. Hani! Hani!….
July 7th, 2005 at 1:21 pm
A blog on some JavaOne sessions with some actual content, no really: http://newton.typepad.com/content/
July 7th, 2005 at 5:30 pm
monkeyboy… your site is lame. JSF sucks and doesn’t exactly qualify as actual content.
July 7th, 2005 at 8:12 pm
“I saw gay people…” That made me laugh. People at J1 were stupid and foul smelling. Except for those guys from Google.
July 8th, 2005 at 2:04 pm
Yes, the google guys were hot. They should have paraded instead of hanging out with you smelly losers !
July 13th, 2005 at 9:30 am
PHP will tickle you pink, the tickle flows upwards throug management to the customer, who in turn becomes tickled pink. This is the mechanics of increasing level of service. Nothing too magic about it. It’s bottom up. Create misery for developers and you create disappointment and meaningless expense for customers.
If java bores you, talk about that. Look at all the links here in these comments–they are to sites running PHP.
Look at Chase Bank’s site–monumentally shoddy piece of work running on some j2ee almagamation of BEA portal. Must of cost them several million dollars, some of the pages dead end. Slow as hell, inconsistent flow, look and feel inconsistent. j2ee developers won’t touch web pages or CSS so they remain of low quality on the site, they think those things are doggie poo or something.
Compare Chase to any PHP-based site. Tickle goes up.
That said, however, I do like SpikeSource mega stack with JBoss and everything else. Talk about SpikeSource Core stack.
July 13th, 2005 at 11:51 am
Thank God Level3 isn’t a JCP member, or we’d have this asshat trying to put PHP support in the JVM! ‘
I bet he tickles his clown pink.
July 13th, 2005 at 1:55 pm
PHP has it’s own Bytecode Engine that blows away the JVM in terms of performance.
It has native libraries that run fast.
It doesn’t have to engage a beaurocracy of classloaders to load every friggin file into memory before it can do anything.
Customers much much happier since this asshat made the switch.
This asshat loves pages as well. Don’t have some kind of hangups about it.
yeah, Put classes in pages this asshat say. Put EVERYTHING in pages.
Look, I wouldn’t be trolling here if TheServerSide would unsubscribe me like I’ve tried to do 5 times already…
July 13th, 2005 at 3:40 pm
Wank Wank Wank Wank….oh, PHP, WANK WANK WANK…PHP! WANK WANK WANK…..Oh yeah…..PHP….WANK WANK WANK……core dump.
July 13th, 2005 at 3:43 pm
PHP is dog shit. It’s chuck full of well documented security issues that even your mama could exploit.
Also Java is better than PHP in that Java is a general purpose language that can be used for more than building websites.
July 13th, 2005 at 4:21 pm
Hey, Don’t you dare insult my dog’s excrement like that!
His shit is much more useful than PHP.
July 13th, 2005 at 6:25 pm
PHP really stands for Pervert Holds Penis.
I bet clown punchers dog shit could run ass hat’s web site better than PHP. If asshat pinky needs someone else to satisfy, Bill Clinton is looking for interns. Everyone knows slick willy is a PHP.
July 14th, 2005 at 8:21 am
your busy person hani I sure could not keep up with all you do. I guess im glad Im single and not dating hehehe. My weekend is mess also btw, I have funeral friday at 2pm for an anaheim calif. american legion post members brother. Then I have to do something with my own brother on Saturday. Then I have church lunch sunday. Then on 4th of July I have to man the American legion hotdog booth in the brea park we have a booth each year at the city 4th of July fair.
ps if you dont know what the amerian legion is, here is a link
http://www.legion.org
July 14th, 2005 at 9:59 am
Java for WEB APPS? Heh. You guys are the wankers…
July 14th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
Yeah, here at Level3, we just wank our puds and spoog our PHP all over the monitors and call that a web app. No java needed.
July 14th, 2005 at 8:51 pm
Mark Fleury showed his stupidity again with the rip on the OSS and no bile. Surprised.
1 + 94 = 95
July 16th, 2005 at 5:10 am
When are you going to do a bile or review of your companies products ?
August 23rd, 2005 at 7:38 pm
The best thing about JavaOne is King’s Massage off of Jessie St(right around the corner from the Moscone).
I mean if your gonna get fucked out of $2k…what’s $50 more for oral and a happy ending.
September 26th, 2005 at 1:21 pm
hey this site really does suck and it has no pictures of UGLY people thats what i came here for was to see ugly people
you really need to add some UGLY people to your site if your ganna post it as an ugly site if you were ganna have a boring site woth only words then why didnt you post it as BORING SITE cuz i thoght this as very very very boring
jsut for further information MAKE THIS SITE BETTER! THANBK YOU AND HAVE A NEW DAY