Guerilla marketing sucks nads
Last week, a rather insidious and clever marketing tactics presented itself to all bloggers with a valid email address on javablogs.
One Mr ‘Ken Gaebler from Chicago’ wrote a rather amusing email to every single blogger asking them ‘two quick questions’. These questions, surprisingly, were whether said blogger would mind talking about some new search engine on their blog, and whether it’s OK to send them a press release. Of course, a mention of said dubious product on said dubious blog will result in some vague flailing about regarding ‘a small marketing budget’.
The personal touch at the end will warm the heart of any insecure blogger: ‘…and thought your blog might be a decent vehicle…’. Ken Gaebler, CEO of walker sands communications certainly knows the exact speed and angle at which a blogger’s dirtbox should be approached. For smooth entry, stroke that ego for all it’s worth, and the flaps of ill repute shall part for you like the Red Sea before an assortment of holy men.
As if the ego fondling isn’t enough, the internet savvy Ken follows up with the death thrust, the vague yet seemingly just within reach offer of monetary compensation.
Really, I’d imagine he’d have a lot more success offering $10 for official shilling, ‘mention me on your blog in a positive sincere sounding light and I’ll roll up $10 and stick it in an orifice if your choosing’.
What’s even sadder is how many people will, or did fall for this. After all these years of endless spam scams, chortling merrily at the idiots who fall for these things, us ‘techies’ can be conned as easily as anyone else. It’s a fascinating study in social engineering, at the very least.
So, what can you do to help? First, either nag the javablogs people to stop showing real emails, or do what I have always done and simply don’t provide a valid one. I cannot for the life of me imagine being interested in any mail from javablogs. Secondly, avoid any mention of Dieselpoint (the search engine poor Ken is trying to get people to bleat about). Feel free to mention it in a derogatory or insulting tone, but never ever link it to anything.
Finally, listen to your goddam mother. Didn’t she warn you about answering emails from strangers?
January 27th, 2005 at 6:47 am
“Finally, listen to your goddam mother. Didn’t she warn you about answering emails from strangers?”
No, but yours did when I was fucking her last night.
January 27th, 2005 at 6:53 am
Dr Pizza … you are quite a sadist !
January 27th, 2005 at 8:22 am
Hmmm… And? What is newsworthy here?
“Paid to blog”
http://paolo.evectors.it/2004/12/03.html
January 27th, 2005 at 8:29 am
blog, verb
To noisily and simultaneously void one?s spleen, stomach, bladder and bowels.
?Get outta my way! I think I?m gonna blog!?
http://www.eod.com/devil/archive/blog.html
January 27th, 2005 at 8:31 am
blogosphere, noun
An poisonous environment of methane, self-satisfaction and other hot gasses.
“The only creatures that can survive in the blogosphere are low-order molds, able to feed off the waste of others.”
http://www.eod.com/devil/archive/blogosphere.html
January 27th, 2005 at 11:49 am
This is so wrong, it’s silly.
I was reaching out to a targeted group of folks, Java enthusiasts to build personal relationships.
I was asking them permission to send them information. The alternative would be just to send them the info without asking, which would be wrong.
99% of the people I’ve met through my outreach efforts are good people who appreciate being contacted with information about good Java software.
Did you have a bad day or something? Next time, give me a call and we can discuss like rational humans. Once you understand history, motive and context, I think you’d understand that this was benign outreach, not worthy of being slammed.
But, having said that, I know where you are coming from. I get way to many emails too.
Take care, my friend. Peace!
Ken (i.e. the evil Ken Gaebler)
January 27th, 2005 at 12:06 pm
Yeah, or allow to CHANGE THE BLOODY EMAIL !
Since that stupid site isn’t allowing to do so
January 27th, 2005 at 12:32 pm
> This is so wrong, it’s silly.
Nice of you to warn me in advance, but I read your post nonetheless.
> I was reaching out to a targeted group of folks,
> Java enthusiasts to build personal
> relationships.
Are you lonely sometimes?
> I was asking them permission to send them
> information. The alternative would be just to
> send them the info without asking, which would
> be wrong.
So you just send the question (unasked for), which was wrong as well.
> 99% of the people I’ve met through my outreach
> efforts are good people who appreciate being
> contacted with information about good Java
> software.
Yeah. These must be the same guys who buy all that viagra advertised in 99% percent of all email I get.
> Did you have a bad day or something?
You seem to be literate, so don’t pretend you can’t read, unless you take me to be as stupid as yourself. “If you have nothing bad to say, say nothing.”
> Next time, give me a call and we can discuss
> like rational humans.
I’d rather give your ISP a call.
> But, having said that, I know where you are
> coming from. I get way to many emails too.
Try this again and your incoming mail will diminish very quickly.
> Take care, my friend. Peace!
I’m not one of your 99% of viagra junkie friends. Go stick it to your own kind.
January 27th, 2005 at 12:44 pm
I think you have a naive point of view of what the Internet is all about. It’s just another medium to do business - If the reason you have a blog is not to satisfy your own ego, then explain why you have one…I have a blog to post my resume, and stroke my own ego - Not two ways about it…
I’m not taking sides, here - But, marketing is marketing, and sending an email in 2005 is considered part of marketing - And promoting a product is, a part of marketing…Border lines on SPAM - That is debatable…
Anyway, I think you are over reacting to his email. As a free thinking individual, you have the choice to read his brochure, or not; And most importantly, you have the choice to not mention it in your blog…Which, ironically enough, you just did :)
Any type of publicity, is good publicity…
I received the same email you did, and if someone pays me to post an ad in my site, hey, it’s money well earnt and it doesn’t imply I’m promoting the product - Far from it - Google ads comes to mind and Radio/TV/news papers make money this way: advertising revenue…
BTW, I don’t know Ken, nor have any advertising contract, etc, etc…I just think, that as a marketer, the dude is covering all his corners - I’d pay him to do that for my products…
January 27th, 2005 at 12:45 pm
> Take care, my friend. Peace!
Didn’t you see that he offered? He offered “Peace”! What kind of emarketer does that anymore?! None I dare say. This Ken is truly a wonderful guy. Perhaps even Mr. Wonderful himself. Not only that but he called us his friend. This means I can start calling him “my homeboy”. I finally have a member to put in my posse! How cool is that?!
What am I offered by Hani? Nothing but a turd sandwich that’s what. When has he ever extended friendship to me like Ken has!? Never! Hani just wants to make me look dumb because I’m a java programmer.
Ken is a true friend! Don’t listen to these jerks Ken, they’re jealous of our special friendship.
January 27th, 2005 at 1:02 pm
I will admit to have been a moron, for biting into this :)
Funny stuff…S**T what’s 9 + 19?…
January 27th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
I will admit to have been a moron, for biting into this :)
Funny stuff…S**T what’s 9 + 19?…
January 27th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
> Didn’t you see that he offered? He offered “Peace”! What kind of emarketer does that anymore?!
Cameron?
January 27th, 2005 at 1:49 pm
Where is the groovy log entry from yesterday ??
January 27th, 2005 at 2:13 pm
If you get the $10 make sure it’s paid in $1 bills that way you can spread the wealth among each orifice.
January 27th, 2005 at 5:16 pm
Please punch me! I feel neglected!
January 27th, 2005 at 5:17 pm
Tonto, are you from mars?
January 27th, 2005 at 7:22 pm
Hani’s just upset
He thought he was special but then he realised everybody else got the email too.
Its taken him years to realised the spam in his inbox doesn’t make him special.
January 28th, 2005 at 1:03 am
a sadist ? woulnd’t fuckkng hani’s mom be an act of masochism rather than sadism?
January 28th, 2005 at 6:35 am
ffs
you get 9 1/2 Sybils out of ten for this pathetically obvious posting
who gives a cats twat about your email inbox ? Nope, not me, not anyone else really.
You have two choices :
1) Delete it and shut up
or
2) Delete it and subscribe the bastard to every damn porno website you can find
What will you post next: a detailed and intricate description of the last time you dropped a painful log into the pan, and the reason why the water company is to blame for that ?
January 28th, 2005 at 6:56 am
I’m happy to admit that I could have approached Java bloggers better. You feel the scorch of Hani’s burning lash and it’s a quick lesson learned.
But I do think there’s a gray area here. I interpreted bloggers as being a bit like editors and journalists, whom we often reach out to with story ideas and pitches.
With PR, we try to raise the visibility of our clients by contacting editors and journalists with information on our clients. (Thanks, Hani, for raising the visibility of my client with your post…er, well, maybe not)
Usually, there’s a process where you determine who the best targets are. You contact, say, a 100 journalists who cover, say, municipal wifi implementations, and 15 tell you that they want to learn more abut the subject and your client. You then build strong personal relationships with those 15 journalists/editors and get good results for your clients. You don’t ever bother the 85 who opted out by not responding.
I think the difference is that journalists are officially in the business of asking for unsolicited inquiries. That’s basically their job description. Bloggers are a modern-day alternative to journalists in terms of covering topics of interest to readers, but I made the mistake of equating bloggers to journalists.
The fact of the matter is that many bloggers don’t want to be solicited. They hate it, and they will castigate the guy who did it to them. In effect, it makes it difficult to reach bloggers for PR purposes, even those bloggers who want to be contacted. Mind you, PR isn’t an inherently bad thing as some might think — somebody trying to buy market share or anything like that. It’s just a conversation: Do you find this interesting? Yes or No?. You can’t buy mindshare illegitimately.
Probably a better way to have approached this would have been to gently enter the Java blogger community and become a true insider, actively participate, and add value. The challenge here is time. Big companies can afford that type of initiative. They pay people to be on standards boards and raise their big company visibility.
Smaller, more nimble, more entrepreneurial clients don’t have that luxury. To compete with giants like Microsoft or IBM, they have to be a bit more efficient and guerilla. To keep my hours down and still get results for my client, I tried to be efficient in contacting Java bloggers. I’m a computer science undergrad so I always try to do things programatically if possible, rather than manually. In this case, my approach backfired, and Hani busted me for it. But I’m still intent on building relationships with Java bloggers (don’t leave me, Jose!) — having “crashed the party” and made a bad first impression, I screwed up initially and might not recover.
Anyway, gotta hop. I’ve got a lot of Viagra to sell today — just kidding.
You know what they say guys: to err is human, to forgive divine (and to spam scummy).
Take it easy.
Ken
January 28th, 2005 at 8:24 am
Spam is spam no matter if the author gets on here and comments. Hani is right. If you encourage spammers, they won’t ever go away. The ultimate conclusion is that email is completely worthless.
Ken, go away. You aren’t wanted.
January 28th, 2005 at 8:36 am
Fair enough. Having spammed Hani’s inbox, I won’t continue to spam his blog.
I buy your bottomline and final word on the subject - spam is spam.
Again, apologies to Hani and any that were offended and thanks for the hard lesson.
Ken
January 28th, 2005 at 8:56 am
*yawn*
January 28th, 2005 at 9:15 am
Ken wrote:
>But I do think there’s a gray area here. I
>interpreted bloggers as being a bit like editors
>and journalists, whom we often reach out to with
>story ideas and pitches.
That’s where you screwed up.
People in “real journalism” sold out centuries ago; ever since Hearst started a war to sell more newspapers, they’ve done nothing but print lies for money, and it is stupid to think otherwise. There hasn’t been a journalist since Hunter S. Thompson who deserved one second of anyone’s time.
So, sure, feel free to spam journalists. They’re your own filthy kind–marketing scum.
But the whole point of blogging is for normal people, people who are not born liars and thieves like you marketing scum, to say whatever the hell they think. If you deceive or bribe a blogger into shilling for you, we will turn and devour them like sharks on a wounded shark. It’s what we do.
Shove your apology up your bottom line.
January 28th, 2005 at 10:31 am
complaining about Spam is so… establishment
cool people don’t complain about Spam!
January 28th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
Ken, looks like this is the first time you’ve read Hani. Don’t take it seriously. Do your marketing. And live in peace.
Hani, you outdone yourself again!!! Keep it (up).
Mwahahahahaha!!!
January 29th, 2005 at 8:49 am
Not that blog spamming works or anything but I have now a) visited his communication services site (ooh comm for high tech companies–none of us could use that) b) visited his gaebler ventures site (hey he’s in Chicago like me and does funding for high tech companies–not that any of us could use that) and c) seen his site in both Firefox and IE.
Why the visit? Oh, nothing other than that Firefox was telling me today is Jan 29, year 105. Hooray! An incredibly annoying basic technical error we can all glom on to.
Now that that’s solved I wonder where I could go for some advice running my high tech company? If only there was a good local source.
January 29th, 2005 at 10:40 am
Dr. Pizza, you are the lowest of the low.
January 29th, 2005 at 12:13 pm
Ken - Hani covered the product the only way he knows how. You’re lucky you got a mention without tons of references to male genetalia.
Anyway, congratulations on your first being-biled. ;-)
(Now let me find a calculator so I can get past the troubling math problem below.)
January 29th, 2005 at 2:26 pm
Nathalie, please punch my clown.
January 31st, 2005 at 9:13 am
Mark honey, are you dressing up as the Ken doll again? And you KNOW very well that all those cans of spam just cant be healthy for your rectum.
February 3rd, 2005 at 3:42 pm
I pass extruded spam like long sausages. It’s so smooth that poomonkey could eat it.