It’s that time of the month again, where the JDJ readers awards are, well, awarded. Clearly, this event is so successful that sys-con has decided to run the awards every few months, just to whip everyone into a frenzy about the whole debacle.
I won’t waste anyone’s time by pointing out what an obscene insult the whole charade is. Instead, I’ll give out my own awards to rival those of JDJ’s. So, on with the show:
Best java book
Winner: XMLSpy. This tool is clearly the best java book this year with its comprehensive examples and easy to follow style
Runner-up: Bridges of Madison County
Best Enterprise Database Product
Winner: Groovy. Groovy is an innovative language that performs admirably as a java database.
Runner up: Ant.
Best Embedded Java Application
Winner: IBM Websphere. Websphere’s dominance in this field continues unabated, with its ease of use and developer-friendly embedding facilities.
Runner up: Maven
Best Java Application
Winner: Oracle 9i. Oracle’s java facilities make it one of the few true contenders for this category.
Runner up: Mozilla firefox.
Best Java Application Server
Winner: Eclipse. Eclipse 3.0 support for the entire set of API’s in J2EE is nothing short of astounding, make it the clear and obvious winner in this category.
Runner up: IBM WSAD
Best Java Bean or Component
Winner: BEA Systems (no, really!). BEA’s products continue to dazzle and impress with their appserver-as-a-javabean approach, enabling testability and ease of use through POJO/POJI semantics.
Runner up: the CustomerOrderBean/LineItemBean duo.
Best Java Class Library
Winner: Maven. While was a difficult category to select a winner for, maven just edged its way through thanks to its general usefulness for almost every project, and its comprehensive and simple API.
Runner up: InstallShield
Best Java IDE
Winner: XMLSpy. Unsurprising, XMLSpy continues its dominance of this area, successfully fending off upstart challengers like JetBrains’ IDEA, JBuilder, Maven, notepad, and Adobe Photoshop.
Runner up: Adobe Photoshop.
Best Java Installation Tool
Winner: JBoss. Can you spell M B E A N? How about A O?
Runner up: JIRC.
Best Java Middleware
Winner: Sun Hotspot. A surprising winner this year, hotspot emerges as the newly crowned king of this category. The performance and transparency of this middleware product makes it a favourite of most java developers.
Runner up: Limewire
Best Java Virtual Machine
Winner: Kaffe. While not strictly ‘best’ in any conventional sense, it is, at least, a virtual machine of sorts.
Runner up: SWT
Best Team Development Tool
Winner: JBuilder. JBuilder’s unique abilities to allow you write code while talking to your team give it a well-deserved victory.
Runner up: cattle prod.
Most Innovative Java Product
Winner: JEdit. A java application, that allow you to actually edit text!
Runner up: XMLSpy
Best Java Messaging Tool
Winner: AOL Instant Messenger. AOL’s ability to allow you to paste java code to developers and non-developers alike gave it the edge it needed to scoop this award.
Runner up: XMLSpy
Best XML Tool
Winner: JBoss 3.0: What tool can claim to use as much XML as this superb server? If you ever need to learn XML, you will never run out of files to tweak here.
Runner up: Effective Java, by Joshua Bloch
Congratulations to all the winners, and to all the readers who participated. Without your valuable input, these awards wouldn’t be nearly as useful or relevant as they are.
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July 16th, 2004 at 8:51 am
Satire! With comic timing! Your posts are much better when you don’t swear all the fucking time.
July 16th, 2004 at 9:09 am
Now I am ex JDJ, I can say this. Yup, it’s about right :)
jaseb
July 16th, 2004 at 9:15 am
XMLSpy is one of those applications that looks wonderous on the surface, and then you go through all its cupboards and find they are bare….
July 16th, 2004 at 9:19 am
Well, at least we now know who to blame for all those votes for XMLSpy!
July 16th, 2004 at 9:22 am
This would be funnier if you hadn’t just copied down the winners of last year’s awards.
July 16th, 2004 at 9:41 am
This is so funny. More, more!
July 16th, 2004 at 11:13 am
IMHO jroller is the best Java IDE, best installation tool and middleware. And blogging is by far the best java bean (even though it was nominated late)
July 16th, 2004 at 1:51 pm
This whole award is a sham! XMLSpy should have won EVERY category ;)
July 16th, 2004 at 1:54 pm
I Suppose the JDJ Reader’s award should be given to JDJ Readers, why to vendors?
Or Vendors are the only people who read JDJ now a days?
I am confused…………………….yeah, still confused…………….
July 16th, 2004 at 3:15 pm
Hey Fate what happened to the village idiot award?
How about an annual VI award for those who have managed to embarrass themselves the most over the course of a year?
My nominees would include:
All Flueries for any number of reasons
Russell Beatie for his pathological rampages and insults that he hurls at anyone who disagrees with his points of view.
Rick Ross for offering the help of Java Lobby to Nasa and coming up with the Java handshake which looked very homo-erotic. Ross could be nominated for allow Java Lobby to be overrun by arm waving GPLers as well.
All of the open-letter wankers should be nominated as well as anyone who thinks the GPL is a document as important as the constitution or bill of rights.
July 17th, 2004 at 2:15 am
Russ Beatoff is my pick for the VI Award. No doubt about it.
And, I thought “Duke Nukem Forever” was the best Java IDE.
July 18th, 2004 at 6:59 pm
Best Java Application: “Hello, world!”. Runner up: JRoller.
July 18th, 2004 at 11:25 pm
Oh, that was great.
July 19th, 2004 at 3:32 am
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
July 19th, 2004 at 4:35 am
why JBuilder can’t be the Best java book ? IMHO , it’s the best!!!!!Runner-up?maybe BEA Weblogic…..
July 19th, 2004 at 2:53 pm
No way. JBoss For Pay documentation is a better book.
It ranks right up there with The Scarlet Letter. It’s about the bastard child of Marc’s Fury
July 20th, 2004 at 9:51 am
This is the first bile in a while that made me laugh uncontrollably.
July 21st, 2004 at 12:46 am
Bah, B-, could do better. More humour, sarcasm and irony required. The author dredged the same joke out repeatedly and failed to provide a suitable increasing curve of bilious wit.
On the plus side… I think my JDJ subscription may have finally ended. No more cheesy corporate cover photos.
July 21st, 2004 at 10:16 am
Who knows?
July 21st, 2004 at 11:29 am
Best Java Messaging Tool: Eclipse: endless attempts to reconfigure it for different projects will make you chat a lot with your colleagues.
Runner-Up: Visual Source Safe.
July 21st, 2004 at 2:02 pm
Looks like your making the blog accessible to your bile targets. Why the fuck do the fonts have to be so big?
July 21st, 2004 at 2:35 pm
Best Java powered website… http://www.victoriassecret.com
July 21st, 2004 at 5:05 pm
69.2.237.42: any runner-up?
what about http://msdn.microsoft.com ?
http://www.netbeans.org? :D:D:D:D
July 22nd, 2004 at 12:39 pm
Oh come on, you couldn’t work moonbuzz in there somehow?
Pfff.
July 28th, 2004 at 6:48 am
Dangit! I voted for the cattle prod!