Day two fun
The second day started far earlier than it should have. I’m so sick of conferences where I’m surrounded by a bunch of bastards who refuse to go sleep at a sensible hour, and instead offer up ludicrous ideas for things to do at 4am.
The festivities this time included a condom and 14 guys packed into Cameron Purdy’s room. James Strachan might look innocent, but there’s something of a dirty animal lurking within. That animal however can’t hold a candle up to Richard Monsoon Heffel (har har), who pretty much IS an animal.
Earlier in the day, the infamous Russell Beattie made an appearance at the blogger meetup. Thankfully I didn’t quite have enough to drink to go up to him and possibly go to some length to elaborate on my opinions of him, his phones, and his jobs. I was however reassured by a number of other people (who want to remain nameless, the cowards), that his name is pronounced Bee-A-tee. This of course resulted in those same mean people making endless Russell/Beatch jokes. Such insensitivity!
While I won’t sully my blog with a link, I will do Simon Phipps a favour and mention that Jonathan Schwartz now has a blog. Simon was practically soiling his pants in excitement, and trying to get everyone to mention this fact everywhere, so here you go Simon.
As for the daytime, I was bitterly dissapointed by the fact that the one session I chose to go to (JDesktop Network Components) was awfully good, so I really don’t have much to say. Amy Fowler really is as attractive as all the pictures make her look, so that made it even harder to dislike the JDNC session.
The evening festivities are about to commence. I might try to see if I can crash the JBoss party, preferably with some Geronimo people. There’s still hope for a big punch up between Marc Fleury and any number of innocent people out to destroy JBoss and rule the world with their own open sores wank.
Beyond that, I’ll be at the tangosol party, no doubt well into some obscene hour of the night with highly dubious company. I really must try to do something java related tomorrow, beyond baiting Gavin Fleury, James Strachan, and Robin Roos (who really seems to have an unhealthy obsession with JDO).
June 30th, 2004 at 3:47 am
First punch!
June 30th, 2004 at 4:04 am
Nice…. although I really can say that even I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near a hotel room with 14 guys and a condom.
I knew you were eager to break into that “W” Hotels “fun pack”–but I thought you would have a more creative use than something involving 14 guys.
So, I am going to report on the Borland party.
Some dude I met–Pete–and I arrived there pretty late. It’s his first JavaOne and he has never experienced one of these wank fests. After much deliberating, we decided to give it a go–despite neither one of us having an “official” invite (that gay ass mini-cd thing you see all those tossers wearing around)
When we approached the line, we saw some poor chap leaning precariously against the wall of an alcove just prior to the door. Upon further examination, we noticed a pile of vomit at his feet–no shit. Apparently he either had too much to drink, or too much phony ass JavaOne bullshit. Either way, it was the most amusing thing we had seen all day–or so we thought.
Another couple feet, and we saw the Management of the facility arguing with an attendee.
“Sorry sir, you are too drunk, and we’ll just leave it at that…”
“but….” [some incomprehensible european computer nerd mumbling here]
“Just Drop It! Go. To you hotel–or whatever–please.”
“You don’t understa….”
“You can no longer control yourself—just leave. Ok?”
And it faded off into the background as we went in.
Pretty funny shit. This jackass was wearing his badge and everything. I don’t know which is the better achievement–being kicked out of the Borland party for being too hammered, or vomiting on yourself.
Once inside, it was pretty anti-climactic–as expected.
We had to check our first beer for broken glass due to the overly neurotic barmaid and her unorthodox use of the church key.
Then, it was drink as much free beer as possible while watching dorks try to pick up on the shills.
We shut the place down, and headed home.
Looking forward to “BileOne” tomorrow–though I’m not quit sure of the time/place. Hani?
June 30th, 2004 at 4:32 am
I did happen to catch a glimpse of Marc Fleury today. I can confirm previous reports; the guy froths. I tried to stare at him, like Mr. C. Puncher, but he seemed to develop an instant twitch that made it impossible for me to focus. Very interesting habit.
Went to the Boreland party tonight. I have never seen such a large collection of fat, balding, sweaty guys in one place at one time. The number of people, who was infatuated with the flourescent hoops, was mind-boggling. These Java scum clearly have no life.
In all fairness, the Boreland party actually had decent music and truly a free bar. Not limited to some cheap carcinogenic local beer, but actually a truly free bar, anything you could want. 6-7 brands of beer (domestic and import), tons of alcohol and anything to mix it with. The brainwashing worked, so I’ve already put in an order for JBuilder X.
Didn’t see Hani there though. Lots of balding guys (who would have guessed?), lots of Middle Eastern looking people, lots of people in Lufthansa uniforms. But… none being an aggregate of those particular attributes. So I’m still not convinced that Mr. Hani is in fact attending JavaFive. And if you think about it, what company would send their tech support to both TSS and Java5 conferences within one month? Certainly not fornicate.com. And Lufthansa is a .NET company, so that’s out of the question. Don’t ask me how the Lufthansa people slipped in anyway. Must have been part of the deal with MS and Scott McNealy. Who BTW seemed uncharacteristically subdued today, during the General Session, maybe due to Valium or some other Benzodiazepine derivative. Gone was the MS bashing (for $2.4 billion that makes sense though), but the guy was just lethargic. I think a buy-out is getting close, with over $7 billion in cash. IBM anyone?
BTW, there’s a good chance that all those idiots, with flourescent tubes around their heads and necks, develop large brain tumors and throat cancer within the next 5-7 years.
June 30th, 2004 at 6:55 am
Gutless coward - go and face up to Russell instead of insulting him in a blog. Insult him to his face if you’re a man. Or are you a .Not wanker?
June 30th, 2004 at 4:07 pm
Thanks for the info on Amy. I was hoping someone would report without resorting to begging. And, oh yeah, thanks for the good report on JDNC.
June 30th, 2004 at 5:42 pm
“14 guys packed into Cameron Purdy’s room”
Hey was the double double-entendre-named Rod Johnson there, too?
July 1st, 2004 at 1:01 am
I’m sick of this JDO crap too. I thought everyone gave up on OODBMS a long time ago.
July 12th, 2004 at 11:41 am
Another insightful anonymous comment.
There are 20+ JDO implementations for relational databases, and AFAIK only 1 for an OODBMS implementation, so I think you’re smoking crack.
Try to compliment or criticize technology on the merits.
July 19th, 2004 at 11:13 am
Re-arrange into a well known phrase or saying
“Should Out Guys More You Often Get”