The Settlement
If there is one thing that would help the opensource movement, it’s the public execution of every slashdot wanker. Torturing some of the worst offenders would probably be a good step too.
Empowering testosterone enslaved teenagers has traditionally been viewed as a very dangerous and risky road to walk down. Slashdot makes all those shitheads feel smug and satisfied that they actually aren’t social lepers, masturbating wildly over the fact that there is actually a place for them.
Of course, it goes without saying that this bunch of sycophants would look down with disdain on anything java related. After all, it’s not cool, it doesn’t make them look l33t, and it’s far too pervasive in ‘the man’ dominated workplaces (ie, enterprise anything). They’d rather tug at their unmentionables in the general direction of things that involve hippie bearded men (RMS), frantic arm waving psychopathic Microsoft employees (Miguel of Gnome), or at the very least, kooky scandanavians (Linus).
Sadly, that kind of spastic twitching isn’t limited to slashdot. We have it aplenty within the java community. Rick Ross for example is a good poster boy for ‘morons who have utterly irrelevant opinions that they keep trying to inflict on the rest of us’.
So what sparked this fury? The recent slashdot article, with the link to Rick Ross’ astoundingly offensive fartings over the Sun/MS settlement. Rick, with friends like you, Java needs no enemies. Your constant incessant whining is an affront of every self-respecting developer everywhere. ‘What did we fight so hard for’? Who is this we? The legions of javalobby wankstains who spend their days having marketoidy talks about java, with never a technical point in sight? Or perhaps Rick Ross himself, using the royal we to refer to the years of effort he’s spent trying to exploit every angle possible to somehow profit from javalobby.
I am baffled by how anyone can be confused by the settlement. I’m sure I’m missing something as it seems incredibly simple and straightforward to me. Instead of fighting it out in the courts for many more years to come, Sun decided to take a significant cash payoff. This means that they will no longer have to keep pouring money into the bottomless pit of the American judicial system. MS will likely keep on with whatever dirty tactics it thinks it can get away with, nothing new there. Will there be increased cooperation? Unlikely, that stuff was just marketspeak to make everyone involved feel that little bit warmer and fuzzier. Is it at all relevant to java? Nope. All it means is that Sun has a bit more money to play with, so it might have an indirect effect on Java, if any at all.
If you want open source java, then fuck off and use Mono. I’ll periodically pop in to laugh and point at you at how I’m still able to code in Java with all the freedom I need, whereas you’ve shackled yourself to a trojan horse the like of which hasn’t been seen in a few millennia.
If you don’t like java and are obsessed with open source, then just leave. Go use ruby, perl, python, or any of these other languages. The target audience there is specifically men who have been abused as children, and/or men who have serious self-esteem problems. The rest of us will just keep plugging away at the language we love, with or without your approval.
April 12th, 2004 at 11:23 am
slashdot is a farce
teenaged wankers love themselves
wish i had mod points
A Spiffster Haiku
April 12th, 2004 at 11:48 am
There is something wrong with me. I actually agree with you all the way on this one! wow! R
April 12th, 2004 at 12:54 pm
Rick has been consistent, and to his credit, he has even allowed the bile blog to continue running on jRoller although he personally hates it and has the ability to turn it off. I don’t always agree with Rick, but give credit where credit is due, he has stuck with his principles. Peace.
April 12th, 2004 at 12:57 pm
I always find it amusing that the open source crowd always seems more inclined to try to intimidate companies into releasing their products as open source than to try to produce a decent alternative on their own.
April 12th, 2004 at 12:58 pm
Turning it off would just generate more publicity for Bile. Rick knows that the only worse thing than having to host BileBlog is turning it off himself. Hardly principled.
April 12th, 2004 at 1:18 pm
> Turning it off would just generate
> more publicity
Ya got him coming and going, eh? If Rick shuts down BileBlog, he’s unprincipled, if he doesn’t, he’s selfish. Fiddlefaddle, I say!
April 12th, 2004 at 1:31 pm
Sweet post.
April 12th, 2004 at 1:36 pm
Who Rick is stands totally separate from BileBlog. The idea that he is somehow principled for not turning off BileBlog is ridiculous though. He can’t turn it off without doing more harm to his reputation. Keeping it on does little to his reputation either way.
April 12th, 2004 at 2:10 pm
As always, Hani, it is a pleasure to provide you with this free service, from which I profit so very greatly. Can’t type more, I have to go count all the money I make from this and other Javalobby offerings. — Rick
April 12th, 2004 at 3:40 pm
>>Rick has been consistent, and to his credit,
>>he has even allowed the bile blog to continue
>>running on jRoller although he personally
>>hates it
Wow. Hani can keep biling on JRoller. I dont know Hani personally, but i assume he would be skilled enough to install MoveableType kind of software on his internetserver. He would get some additional benefits like:
+ more uptime
+ better software
+ more plugins
+ etc
So this post is quite laughable.
@Rick
i can imagine that getting biled is not allways fun, but acting like JRoller is the only tool on the market to blog for free makes it not better. If you dont like bileblog, close it, if you dont want to close it, dont whine for providing Hani with this free service. BTW it cant be anything than free, the uptime is a joke for months.
April 12th, 2004 at 3:55 pm
Can’t say I disagree with this one. Although, has anyone else noticed Hani’s obsession with unmentionable tugging? Perhaps it’s time the Bileblog gets a girlfriend. Anyone know what chiara is up to these days?
April 12th, 2004 at 5:43 pm
And just what is wrong with unmentionable tugging?
April 12th, 2004 at 8:49 pm
Really need a new catch phrase Hani. Just don’t mention those unmentionables again please.
April 12th, 2004 at 9:18 pm
i thought it more stroke than tug anyway?
April 12th, 2004 at 11:43 pm
> The target audience there is specifically men who
> have been abused as children
Me think me have been abused as children. But me uses Java everyday, haiya….
April 13th, 2004 at 12:04 am
I am confounded by how someone could be bewildered that people could be baffled by how anyone can be confused by the settlement
April 13th, 2004 at 12:21 am
It’s spelled “Scandinavians”, and Linus is not one. He’s a nazi-finne.
April 13th, 2004 at 4:41 am
I think I have a brilliant idea for a sex game / videoclip. Played by 3 guys, and 1 girl (or 4 guys in case it’s for gay audiences).
3 men lying on the bed side-by-side, naked (of course). All of them should have their unmentionable erected first. 5 donuts of varying diameters are stacked upon one guy’s body (the leftmost guy), with the donut with largest diameter at the bottom. His unmentionable runs through those donuts’ hole.
The girls job is to move those donuts to the rightmost guy, using her mouth (her hands should be handcuffed). Sorry for my bad english, I’m from China. But, I’m sure you understand what I mean.
I call this game: Tower of Honey (or Tower of Hani… or.. whatever).
April 13th, 2004 at 9:03 am
I thought the whole point of a bile was to be provocative and highly debatable. This post is 100% true, so where’s the fun in that?!
What’s next? Are you going to tell us that open source programmers `don’t got game`?
April 13th, 2004 at 10:13 am
Ya gotta understand that fate is like that Mikey kid on the life cereal commercials. He don’t like nothin.
April 13th, 2004 at 3:09 pm
Thou lumpish flap-mouthed gudgeon!
April 13th, 2004 at 3:10 pm
What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
April 13th, 2004 at 5:16 pm
i can’t exactly judge on Rick, but all the other issues hit the nail right on the head!!!
April 13th, 2004 at 6:55 pm
That’s ok, I’ll just go back to punching my clown. That always makes me feel better.
punch, punch, punch, squirt
Ah, thanks. I needed that.
April 13th, 2004 at 9:06 pm
I am Rick Ross. I am the God of JavaLobby. You don’t know me. Don’t even mention my name without my approval. I *am* Rick Ross.
April 14th, 2004 at 12:00 am
> I thought it more stroke than tug anyway?
1 to 3 inches, tug. Longer, stroke.
April 14th, 2004 at 12:04 am
Hey, that robbed me the wrong way dude!
April 14th, 2004 at 4:43 am
Hani… I’m tired of you accusing us tugging at each other unmentionable. We don’t do it anymore… It’s so 70. We now play Tower of Hani.
April 14th, 2004 at 5:42 am
Gabriel: no, the point of the bileblog is to point out ignorance and stupidity and make fun of it. If you had a clue you’d realize they are not “debatable”.
April 14th, 2004 at 7:07 am
Draw thy tool. My naked weapon is out.
April 14th, 2004 at 7:11 am
What, you egg! Young fry of treachery!
April 14th, 2004 at 7:11 am
Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit.
April 14th, 2004 at 7:11 am
Canst thou believe thy living is a life, so stinkingly depending? Go mend, go mend.
April 15th, 2004 at 11:20 am
The only thing worse than the wankers on slashdot is the wankers that reply on BileBlog.
“Hani, I want to kiss your golden ass and tell you how much I love your posts. My life would be complete if I could crawl up your ass just to be close to you forever. Kiss me Hani, I’m yours.”
Good blog, lame groupies.
April 15th, 2004 at 12:22 pm
Why am I playing out this lame joke that was barely funny last month? I don’t know!
April 15th, 2004 at 3:36 pm
Nothing more lame than some ass-clown that takes time out from his clown-punching to come over here and dog other posters while posting as an anonymous ass-hat himself.
Get that dick out of your ass and maybe you’d lighten up a bit!
April 15th, 2004 at 6:15 pm
Okay, let’s do it. Let’s promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. In the text that follows, I won’t bother discussing the flaws in Marc Fleury’s logic, because he truly doesn’t use any logic.
Given that he runs at the first sign of trouble, isn’t it fairly obvious that he has bid adieu to objectivity? He maintains that merit is adequately measured by his methods and qualifications. Perhaps it would be best for him to awaken from his delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that he does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when he says that the ideas of “freedom” and “demagogism” are Siamese twins, that’s where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins. If I didn’t think Fleury would kill the goose bearing the golden egg, I wouldn’t say that he presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. Fleury is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors intemperate litterbugs. And here we have the ultimate irony, because this is a lesson for those with eyes to see. It is a lesson not so much about Fleury’s hypocritical behavior, but about the way that the baneful nature of Fleury’s snow jobs is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. Fleury says that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can’t possibly outgrow the host’s ability to manage the crowd. Should we care that large numbers of what I call abysmal megalomaniacs actually believe such raucous things? Should we try to convince them otherwise? I don’t think so. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that unlike him, when I make a mistake I’m willing to admit it. Consequently, if — and I’m bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of “innocent until proven guilty” — Fleury were not actually responsible for trying to use mass organization as a system of integration and control, then I’d stop saying that Fleury labels anyone he doesn’t like as “fastidious”. That might well be a better description of him.
In the strictest sense, his backers are quick to point out that because he is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, Fleury is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, Fleury is a victim of his own success — a success that enables Fleury to eliminate those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny. My real point here is that he uses the word “spinulosodenticulate” without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated. Fleury’s communications do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. Fleury may have the right to introduce more restrictions on our already dwindling freedoms. He may have the right to pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm. But Fleury crosses the line when he uses his bully pulpit to promote the lie of egotism. All in all, I realize that this letter has seemed incredibly bleak. However, expecting the worst from Marc Fleury means we will never be disappointed. If we’re wrong and he does not try to challenge all I stand for, we’ll be relieved. If we’re right and he does, we’ll be prepared.
April 16th, 2004 at 9:28 am
Thou rank common-kissing miscreant!
April 16th, 2004 at 9:29 am
Thou art violently carried away from grace.
April 16th, 2004 at 9:30 am
http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo?image=1240
Daily poo. Brought to you, in part, by Shaggy.
April 16th, 2004 at 12:24 pm
I hope that oneday, when you’re shopping, you go into the one aisle, looking for something, and then you find it is the wrong aisle. Then you think of *me* big boy!
April 16th, 2004 at 12:30 pm
No wait, I left a part out – just as you realise the thing is elsewhere, a bakers dozen of rabid baboons approach, frothing and barking.
To run away turn to page 91
To tug at your unmentionables, turn to page 24
April 16th, 2004 at 12:34 pm
page 91
You slip and get molested. For the rest of your life you have great sympathy for kids you were abused and people with personal problems. You program in Cobol.MONO on a Dvorak keyboard
April 16th, 2004 at 12:59 pm
page 18
Rick kindly points out the antacid on the shelf. You thanks him, fetch a box and take two tablets. The baboons ape your behaviour. It turns out they weren’t rabid, just horny with a bad case of bile-regurge. Rick saves the day!
April 16th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
page 24
The baboons run away. In prison, the ketamine wears off and you realise they were just customers.
April 16th, 2004 at 10:35 pm
page 25
And since you have nothing better to do, you resume tugging–the whole while thinking of Nathalie getting 3 input from Marc, Scott, and Bill while Andy looks on jealously tugging his own unmentionables while staring at Marc’s ass.
July 12th, 2004 at 2:32 pm
What an absolute waste of bandwidth