JBoss thoughtspeak
I was actually mildly pleased initially to hear that the fleury clan managed to con some VC into coughing up so much dough for them. It’s always nice when someone gets screwed (and with that combo, you can guarantee SOMEONE is getting screwed). However, my initial goodwill and cheer were quickly squished by the incredibly offensive and ridiculous ‘press release’ they pooped out.
Now, it’s one thing to have a press release ready to puke out onto Yahoo or other such ‘official’ forums. What’s offensive though is that it was posted on a blog as a ‘friendly’ banter type entry. I can’t imagine a single person stupid enough to have read it and thought it was written off the cuff or meant to be friendly, honest, or informal.
Let’s be honest, the thing stank. It was a piece of marketing-on-a-blog. Don’t believe me? Well let’s go over some of it (with appropriate thanks to various anonymous people for their insights and suggestions).
The first ridiculous claim is that you need to get $10 million in order to provide 24×7 production support. Gosh, really? That much? Please go out and tell the thousands of companies that provide that level of support that they immediately give up if they don’t have those millions, clearly they’re not actually providing 24×7 production support.
While I agree about the comfort level that people have with a ‘real company’ (funny to see the implicit admission that without that ‘next level’ of funding, JBoss isn’t a ‘real company’), I think poor old JBoss is forgetting the kind of people who go for their silly product. Cheap ass open source weenies. If they plan on providing the level of support that a ‘real company’ has (and charging appropriately), they’ll rapidly notice that people will choose to go with a real appserver instead. After all, why not go for the real deal and buy Weblogic, if JBoss costs the same?
Next, we have even more pointless waffle. So the LGPL doesn’t allow you to ‘do an Enhydra’. That’s right, the licensing forbids it. You have no choice in the matter brucey, stop pretending like your benevolent employer is doing us all a favour.
Next we have yet another pathetic plea for contributions from those 50 million JBoss developers worldwide, followed by more angry penis waggling in the general direction of BEA (no doubt accompanied with heartfelt pleas from Mr Fleury asking that any random passers by suck said appendage).
The answer for ‘why do you need outside funding’ is ripped straight out of about a million other VC funding press releases. In fact, I dare anyone to find a press release that does not contain this paragraph. Even the most childish of online VC bullshit generators can come up with ‘move to the next level of maturity and ability to execute’, ‘help set up appropriate governance models’, and ‘provide opportunity for existing and future employees’. Particularly shameful though is the use of ‘thru’ instead of ‘through’. Now Bruce, I know for a fact that Nathalie is particularly proficient at this language of yours. So next time, please run your press releases by her to avoid mistakes like this that make you look like a slovenly unprofessional hack. I’m surprised they didn’t mention such gems as ‘increase value-add’ or ‘productise innovative mind-cultures’.
Then we have the obligatory ‘we love our VC, we had so many to pick from but we chose them because they’re just so lovely that we want to have their babies, and are in the process of doing so as we speak’. How very very trite.
See, all this nonsense would fit in just fine as an official press release type crap. However, it’s posted on a page that is clearly stated as being an unofficial place for the various fuckwits to ejaculate when the mood takes them. So far the content has even been somewhat endearing. Bill Burke sticking to technical stuff, Andy Oliver making a complete fuckwit of himself in ways that aren’t even vaguely amusing (for a laugh, see how little feedback he got for his plea for feedback for his stupid little mailserver crap, by my count there are now…THREE people who care!), Nathalie finally making use of the years she wasted in academia; all human touches. Bruce Bickel though is either a very disturbed individual unable to articulate himself in a way that is accessible to fellow man, or yet another JBossite who feels obliged to sabotage everything with propaganda.
March 3rd, 2004 at 2:04 am
Of course Bruce Bickel was only playing “wank-word bingo” when he wrote it — he was just trying to get all buzzwords in to a sentence if at all possible :-)
March 3rd, 2004 at 2:15 am
Weakest bile blog ever.
March 3rd, 2004 at 2:46 am
That was definitely a low quality bile blog.
March 3rd, 2004 at 2:56 am
Hani, this one is a stinker. Otherwise, keep up the good work.
March 3rd, 2004 at 3:06 am
Did Hani just bile himself? He looked more pathetic than his target today.
March 3rd, 2004 at 4:10 am
*YAWN*
March 3rd, 2004 at 4:42 am
Have you actually read the LGPL? As long as you own the copyright on all the code, nothing in the LGPL prevents you from relicensing it under completely terms. If you don’t own the copyright of some code, you cannot change its license. That’s what a copyright is for. That has nothing to do with the LGPL.
March 3rd, 2004 at 4:53 am
Re: LGPL, you’re almost right Anonymous, and the detail to be concerned with is that JBoss Inc. does not have the copyright of the *entire* codebase. I, for one, as a copyright holder of parts of the source am not interested in switching to another license.
March 3rd, 2004 at 5:38 am
How dull. Another JBoss rant. Another Andy rant.
March 3rd, 2004 at 9:20 am
“productise innovative mind-cultures”
Please, please tell me that this is a joke. Nobody can write something like that without marking themselves as a mindless tosser of the first order.
Well, hey, guys, if JBoss are in the business of productivising innovative mind-cultures within the organo-anarcho-pseudo-capitalist self-perpetuating market place that is profit-making open-source, then I’m 100% behind them. I think. Unless it costs me something. In which case they can f*ck off. After all, what’s the main reason why people use JBoss? It’s free. Go figure that, Mister “I’m only in it for the short term profit” Venture Capitalist.
(I’m guessing that VC means venture capital, unless JBoss have done a deal with the Viet Cong.)
March 3rd, 2004 at 9:50 am
It took a week to come up with that, Hani? Retire the bileblog while we still remember it as a bit fresh and inventive.
Don’t go Rod Stewart on us, and continue biling even once you are old, untalented, and wetting yourself.
March 3rd, 2004 at 10:04 am
what blog is he talking of?
March 3rd, 2004 at 10:17 am
http://jboss.org/jbossBlog/blog/bbickel/?permalink=0001.html&page=comments
March 3rd, 2004 at 10:18 am
RE: Rod Stewart.
Have you seen his wife. I would deal with wetting myself for that.
March 3rd, 2004 at 11:54 am
It’s Bob Bickel, bile-breath.
March 3rd, 2004 at 12:42 pm
Guns? Absence of religion? Lack of self esteem? Poor parenting? The entertainment industry? Who’s to blame for Marc Fleury’s loud flimflams? Numerous professionals (and not-so-professionals) have speculated and mulled, publicly and privately, over what has caused Fleury to sucker us into buying a lot of junk we don’t need. The points I plan to make in this letter will sound tediously familiar to everyone who wants to reverse the devolutionary course he has set for us. Nevertheless, if he continues to move increasingly towards the establishment of a totalitarian Earth, crime will escalate as schools deteriorate, corruption increases, and quality of life plummets.
The first response to this from his surrogates is perhaps that black is white and night is day. Wrong. Just glance at the facts: His stories about defeatism are particularly ridden with errors and distortions, even leaving aside the concept’s initial implausibility. Fleury’s declamations are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of “tradition”. Funny, that was the same term that his myrmidons once used to pervert the course of justice.
If Fleury gets his way, none of us will be able to provide you with vital information which he has gone to great lengths to prevent you from discovering. Therefore, we must not let Fleury impale us on the pike of Comstockism. The significance of this is that he parrots whatever ideas are fashionable at the moment. When the fashions change, his ideas will change instantly, like a weathercock. I do not find expositions that are irresponsible, ruthless, and crafty to be “funny”. Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe I see how important Fleury’s callous claims are to his legates and I laugh. I laugh because if I hear his functionaries say, “Fleury’s policies enhance performance standards, productivity, and competitiveness” one more time, I’m unequivocally going to throw up. Fleury uses the word “epididymodeferentectomy” without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated.
And, more important, he is the type of person that turns up his nose at people like you and me. I guess that’s because we haven’t the faintest notion about the things that really matter, such as why it would be good for Fleury to descend to character assassination and name calling. It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that I indeed don’t believe that it’s okay to feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations. So when Fleury says that that’s what I believe, I see how little he understands my position. He says that he needs a little more time to clean up his act. As far as I’m concerned, his time has run out. Fleury’s shenanigans are a spiritually destructive propaganda instrument aimed at our children. Let’s remember that.
True, you do not need to be slimy to know that I sometimes have to bite my tongue pretty hard to avoid saying what I really feel about Fleury, but Fleury shouldn’t take rights away from individuals whom only Fleury perceives as jealous. That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions equip splenetic windbags with flame throwers, hand grenades, and heat-seeking missiles. Regardless of the theoretical beauty of the notion that it looks like his fairy tales are completely materialistic, regardless of the way, shape, or form in which he presents them, there is the opposing fact that if he had even a shred of intellectual integrity, he’d admit that he would have us believe that merit is adequately measured by his methods and qualifications. That, of course, is nonsense, total nonsense. But Fleury is surrounded by salacious knee-biters who parrot the same nonsense, which is why if he is victorious in his quest to eviscerate freedom of speech and sexual privacy rights, then his crown will be the funeral wreath of humanity. Fleury holds onto power like the eunuch mandarins of the Forbidden City — sterile obstacles to progress who seize control over where we eat, sleep, socialize, and associate with others. Speaking of raucous moral weaklings, if you want to hide something from him, you just have to put it in a book. Did Fleury get dropped on his head when he was young, or did he take massive doses of drugs to believe that we can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune? The answer is quite simple. I already listed several possibilities, but because Fleury lacks the ability to remember beyond the last two seconds of his life, I will restate what I said before, for his sake: I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. And one of the things that impresses me about it is the massive number of people who realize that documents written by his legatees typically include the line, “The boogeyman is going to get us if we don’t agree to Fleury’s demands”, in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that what I call self-satisfied, twisted poseurs often take earthworms or similar small animals and impale them on a pin to enjoy watching them twist and writhe as they slowly die. Similarly, Fleury enjoys watching respectable people twist and writhe whenever he threatens to con us into believing that his belief systems can give us deeper insights into the nature of reality. On a closing note, I hope that this letter, while incomplete, informal, and having no authority except its own inner strength and conviction, has clearly demonstrated to you that Marc Fleury favors a nettlesome “Code of Conduct” that serves no purpose other than to show a clear lack of respect not just for those brave souls who fought and died for what they believed in, but also for you, the readers of this letter.
March 3rd, 2004 at 1:21 pm
chiara’s back! I guess it took a while to go through the thesaurus to pick which words to use this time.
March 3rd, 2004 at 1:24 pm
Looks like Chiara’s got a full house in the wank-word bingo game.
March 3rd, 2004 at 2:28 pm
I hope to hell Chiara has a blog-comment generator and doesn’t really waste all that time typing that crap in.
March 3rd, 2004 at 3:43 pm
That “Chiara” stuff is generated from the insult generator. Including most of the past ones.
March 3rd, 2004 at 9:32 pm
Got a link for that insult generator, smartarseypants? I surely could use some of that shit.
March 3rd, 2004 at 10:40 pm
Marketing-speak has no personality. By definition, that makes it a weak target for bile. The old JBoss style was often obnoxious, but never boring.
March 4th, 2004 at 8:22 am
Waayy heyyy! I wave my willie at your relatives Mr.Fleury.
March 4th, 2004 at 7:00 pm
Use google, thou loggerheaded elf-skinned wagtail! Thy food is such as hath been belch’d upon by infected lungs, thou tottering rump-fed codpiece! May 16 drunk Beenie Baby collectors talk smack about chap stick in the vicinity of your favourite jock strap.