Touch my YAUL!
After months of hard work, I’m pleased to announce the release of a new library that will benefit everyone. I’ve been using it in production for a few months now, and it’s stable, useful, and has saved me much time and effort. Since I’m progressive and down with that whole open source thing, I’m going to release it out in to the world. The code apparently wants to be free! I’m sure many will be grateful and I’ll gain fame and fortune or at the very least a thank you or two for my incredible genius. My library is: Yet Another Util Library.
Alright, that was all a big fat lie. I was simply trying to get everyone annoyed and irritated over how many damn util libraries there are out there. Barely a day goes by without some little wanker releasing their own collection of randomly put together junk in the name of contributing to the rising pile of garbage that is open source java.
Honestly, the source might want to be set free, but that whole urge is much like a mentally-challenged 30something fat ugly girl wanting to strip and masturbate in public. It’s just not cool and causes much discomfort all round. There are some times in life where one has to put one’s foot down and say no, you don’t get to do what you want, in the interest of ensuring that society can keep hobbling along in its spastic yet somewhat functional way. I’m willing to go out on a limb in fact and advise you to just say no to your source if it says it wants to be set free. At the very least, tell it to make a compelling argument for itself, rather than trusting its wayward and clearly braindamaged judgement.
Exactly how many base64 encoders/decoders does the world need anyway? How many jdbc/sql ‘convenience’ methods? How many string replace methods? At one point do people step back from the madness and say enough, we have all the math utils we need, let’s move on now?
I urge you all, nay, I implore you, no more util libs! End this madness!
January 8th, 2004 at 3:05 pm
A Ha Beat Ya
January 8th, 2004 at 3:14 pm
I bet my YAUL is bigger and more uselss then yours! Mine has the all important StringFactory class.
January 8th, 2004 at 3:23 pm
YAUL enlargement pills. Guaranteed !!!
January 8th, 2004 at 3:33 pm
But, you have to admit, some of this code is so bad it’s fun to read….anyone have any choice links? sf should be a treasure trove…I ran across one class (somewhere, wish I could find it) that was called ‘StringEscapeUtil’…with dozens of methods called ‘escapePoundSign’, ‘escapeAsterisk’, ‘escapeAmpersand’, ad nauseum. Javadoc indicated its purpose was to ‘clean HTML input for insertion into a database’ or some such….wow, the class was.
Cheers, all!
January 8th, 2004 at 3:36 pm
Holy, I could have used a regular expression, batman!
January 8th, 2004 at 4:42 pm
What, no library?
Come on, don’t be ashmed of your code…
Just set it free and then bile like some Jakarta project.
January 8th, 2004 at 6:12 pm
/** will require formatting */
public interface BileUtils {
Bile abuseRandomOpenSource(String sourceforgeurl);
ExtraBile slamMaven();
Bile makeFunOfAnythingRelatedToJakartaExceptAnt(String commons);
BadRationalisation tellEveryoneToFuckOffIfTheyDontLikeIt();
ShameFullBile cheapShotsAtBuddiesBooks();
PayForBile abuseProprietarySoftware(String somePartOfTibco);
MethinksThouDostProtestTooMuchBile anythingAboutMarkyPooFleury(String treatThemMean);
}
public interface BileCommentUtils {
Comment firstPost();
XulAbductedMyGrandmotherAndIsForcingMeToPromoteItComment geraldsVeryOwnMethod(String randomShit);
PleaseNobodyEverReadThisBlogEverBesidesUsOfCourseButJustSoWeCanMakeSureWeLeaveTheseWarningsComment leaveWarning(PatJasonCharlesCameronEnum topOfTheMoralHighGround);
Comment punchClown(String extraInfo);
PleaseXulWontLetHerGo geraldAgain();
ChiaraMyObsessionForRikardIsAlmostAsSpookyAsTheManHimselfComment iLoveHaniTooFuckYouAll(String someFreedomOfSpeechRelatedContradition);
AnonymousCoward takeABreakFromTrollingSlashdotAndMasturbating(String dredgeSupportForHaniFromLongDrop);
TheJcpBurnedMyUnderpants mySchitsophreniaIsGoingLargelyUndiagnosed(String moreRandomShit);
VaguelySensibleComment leaveComment(String whatTheFuck);
}
January 8th, 2004 at 7:44 pm
from jakarta where the demons dwell came the logging utilities… from oswego in the east came the concurrency utilities… from the dank, subterranean depths of sourceforge came he known as ’3-alpha’… and behind them all, a menagerie of strange beasts that was terrible to behold… yes, all to be combined under one grand unified utility library: OULTRTA.
(with apologies to many people, the least of whom is you, dear reader.)
January 8th, 2004 at 8:31 pm
When is the world going to understand? Stop typing, don’t touch that mouse. I dare you, I double dare you. Master Hani is the only one allowed to code. Don’t treat the world as your grader. Hani, the master grader, doesn’t get paid to look at your stuff. Don’t bother to type. Only Hani should.
January 8th, 2004 at 8:40 pm
hey, who cares about Hani or Rikard. I want the guy with the biggest YAUL. heheheeh.
January 8th, 2004 at 8:56 pm
See, now there’s a reason for believing in spam. Specially the kind of spam that sells you YAUL enlargement pills.
BVY Y@UL N0W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10O% GUARANT3ED!!!!
January 8th, 2004 at 10:22 pm
Hani, allow me to paraphrase you. Exactly how many fucking blogs does the world need? Why don’t you just shut up? At what point do people step back from the madness and say enough, we have all the fucking blogs we need, let’s move on now?
January 8th, 2004 at 11:17 pm
Could Hani’s Bile,perhaps, be a response to this?
http://joe.truemesh.com/squiggle/
January 8th, 2004 at 11:42 pm
Huge Y.A.U.L.S ! Outrageous S.t.r.i.n.g.U.t.i.l.s ! Incredible logging !
Now on Jakarta !!!!
January 9th, 2004 at 5:49 am
This is funny: http://joe.truemesh.com/blog/000158.html
January 9th, 2004 at 8:12 am
“Smack her snatch with your mammoth YAUL!”
“Code with confidence with your new, larger YAUL!”
Try new L0nGYAUL! L0nGYAUL can make your current YAUL bigger and it will last longer.
January 9th, 2004 at 8:49 am
I got my man the Y@u7 PATCH!
Applying this patch to his YAUL made it grow in size by 10 KLoC!!!
Ladies, get your man the Y@u7 PATCH today!
January 9th, 2004 at 11:27 am
> Exactly how many base64 encoders/decoders does
> the world need anyway?
Heh… one, which works and has at least the following methods:
public static String encode(byte[] input);
public static byte[] decode(String input);
Oh, and that doesn’t come with a txt called COPYING which is really three random pages taken out of context from the novel “American Psycho”.
> At one point do people step back from the
> madness and say enough, we have all the math
> utils we need, let’s move on now?
I hope so… unfortunately the desire to strip naked in public and mas… RELEASE “yaul”-like code with the mad illusion to be helpful to the world is difficult if not (for some kind of people – take the cvs whores you talked about before) impossible to overcome.
January 9th, 2004 at 11:28 am
Merchants Account with Y4U7 – guaranteed success, 400% guaranteed incomes, no questions asked.
January 9th, 2004 at 3:12 pm
Squiggle is sick
January 9th, 2004 at 3:24 pm
Hey Joe! why dont you start a logo contest?
January 9th, 2004 at 3:39 pm
Yaul are crazy.
January 9th, 2004 at 8:02 pm
Joe, I think you may be taking it a little too personally. Hopefully it was Jodd 0.2 that raised Hani’s ire (that given that even Jodd got more comments than OSWorkflow).
January 10th, 2004 at 6:25 am
This is my first comment to this thread – the previous messages have been posted by other anonymous people claiming to be me (sigh).
When I announced Squiggle a few days ago, I wasn’t expecting the response it was going to get. It’s a library for building complicated SELECT statements – I imagined there’d be a few people out there who’d find it beneficial and the rest would filter it out as not relevant to their needs.
At about the same time of the release, Hani was also just finishing up this posting. Unfortunately, this led to misinterpretations about what Hani classified as a util library and many anonymous (sigh) readers assumed he was talking about libraries like Squiggle.
To quote Hani from TheServerSide:
> My post was not about this [Squiggle] (I don’t
> know why anyone would think that either!).
> This library is small and very focussed on its
> own core task. This is EXACTLY how all util
> libs should be. [...] I wish util libs instead
> do what this one does, which is stick to one
> problem domain and address that as best as
> possible.
http://www.theserverside.com/home/thread.jsp?thread_id=23200
I have a posted a follow up to Hani’s comments reenforcing and extending what he is saying and how to overcome the problem.
http://joe.truemesh.com/blog/000160.html
January 10th, 2004 at 5:30 pm
Stay tuned for Hani’s next bile: Silly Product Names and Other Nonsense.
January 13th, 2004 at 9:17 am
I’m a mentally-challenged 30something fat ugly girl, you insensitive clod.
January 14th, 2004 at 5:55 pm
Maybe you should look for bigger game to hunt. I like your blog but let’s face it, most (but not all) open source projects are like the Island of Misfit Toys in the Christmas specials and seeing someone trash them is kind of like watching Manchester United beat the crap out of a high school team: amusing at first then boring. Why not set your sights higher, like on Sun’s idiotic strategy for making money in the Java infrastructure business (ie pay top dollar to acquire app servers and then give them away)? It would certainly be more interesting…
January 16th, 2004 at 8:53 am
sorry, I simply consider Java a one big fat problem…
see http://reallife.lv/Blog/archives/2004/1/15/javadoc-hell/ for just one side of the coin ;D
January 26th, 2004 at 11:33 pm
YAULs are a sign of lazy, non-stupid coders.
A lazy coder is one who solves a problem in the long-term. When I notice that I’ve duplicated code, I pull it out to a single location. When I notice that I want that in another package, I pull that location out into a dependable.
When I’m writing a JSP, I play with the code in scriptlets for a bit, then factor them into a taglib.
The anti-YAUL movement has yet to come up with any evidence that it is not just the copy and paste brigade pretending to be big.