The top 50 asshats
Looks like TSS is running some kind of nonsense about the top 50 enterprise java kids, which needless to say provides plenty of scope for mockery and taunting to be applied to a huge variety of people. I could of course mention the 50 worst people, but that’d be too easy. Instead I’ll try to be as unhelpful as possible and debunk many of the nominations instead.
The basic premise is simple. People shouldn’t get on that list if they’ve done something stupid in public, and not apologised sufficiently for it.
Jiramike also does not lead opensymphony anymore. While javablogs is a good service, it certainly won’t break any records when it comes to uptime. It seems to delight in taunting us poor users. I remember how pleased I was that we got the ability to ignore blogs. I was merrily ignoring away (current count is 15 ignored blogs), but then as suddenly as it arrived, it was cruelly taken away from us. Now all I get when I try to ignore is one of those infamous atlassian stacktraces. The fleury clanleader also should not get a nomination, for his evil plans of world domination by way of badly written software. It’s one thing to write a bad novel and try to take the literary world by storm, it’s quite another to try to do so by waving around a wet paper bag with a logo crayoned on.
Next we have the candidates suggested by the wise and all-knowing TSS readership. Here is where we really start to wallow in the mud. Craig McBlahblah for Struts! Ha! He should be hung, drawn, and quartered for all the evil he’s brought to the world. His list of crimes is longer that Gerald Bauer’s medication list. Struts, JSF, tomcat, he’s a veritable king Midas but with a touch of shit.
Rick Ross, another hilarious nomination; the guy who offered the legions of javalobby cannon fodder to NASA to help them fix a bug. Ahahahaha! Fewer communities have a more pathetic or embarrassing self-styled Fearless Leader. James Strachan hasn’t apologized for much of his crimes either, so he’s off. Jon Tirsen’s nomination is hilarious too. Sure, he’s a nice guy, but the memory of a guppy coupled with religious fervour make for a bad combo in this industry. Bob McWirther should also be knocked off for all the shite that is in codehaus. He might be a good leader, but he can’t code for crap. Carlos Perez…well….see past blogs. Gazing endlessly into one’s navel is amusing for about 3 seconds.
Really, the list of bad nominations goes on and on. Instead of a top 50, I propose a list of top 50 not to be. Or a list of the 50 most dedicated people to killing java from the inside. Admittedly, a top 50 certainly does not have to be competent or worthwhile people, all it has to do is pick 50 that aren’t complete fuckups (which is what TSS’s list aims to do I suppose). It’s a shame we don’t aspire to something higher.
January 30th, 2004 at 10:57 am
FIRST POST!
I nominate “Anonymous” for the new list.
January 30th, 2004 at 11:03 am
“His list of crimes is longer that Gerald Bauer’s medication list.” The, we must be talking genocide.
January 30th, 2004 at 11:11 am
Yes, yes. Anonymous is one clever motherfucker. I’d love to meet him some day. He has some great posts.
Troll.
January 30th, 2004 at 11:19 am
Hey, but I’m so annoying, you troll-fiddling, fiddle-trolling anonymous person, you.
January 30th, 2004 at 11:59 am
Does anyone see the irony in Hani being suggested 3 times (since I last checked) as a nominee? :)
January 30th, 2004 at 12:11 pm
Yeah, TSS should just recognize his glory and have Hani occupy all 50 positions. He really is that amazing! He provides such an inspirational and constructively positive voice. In fact, I think we should immediately redirect Javalobby.org and all the JRoller blog url’s to the BileBlog. It’s the only thing in the Java world worth reading. Hani is a GOD!
January 30th, 2004 at 12:30 pm
Hani,
wow. You have gotten so much more interesting. There is much more honesty to your biles. you say it as it is bro. This is all the shit people hide in their pretentious midst, and would never have had the courage to publicly speak of. As i read the TSS list, i felt myself getting angry and then came here and saw your blog. And you know what, your world feels million times more honest and clean to me.
I particularly thank you for pointing out the sickness coming from TW/Fowler and his drones.
MarcFleury/Jboss group is history by now, because nobody really cares about them. I think, as a matter of fact, people should be ashamed to be seen in their company.
you know what is funny? i bet you anything all those idiots who haven’t been nominated, will feel like crap. hehehehe.
January 30th, 2004 at 12:41 pm
My inner girl (who has never done anything technically inspiring) was frothing over your lovely post, by posting this bile you have saved humanity from evil. I hate myself and should die…but I can’t until Marc Fleury is debunked…Marc Fleury..ooooh that makes me mad just to say it… I feel a transendental wave come over me and I’m moved to imagine myself with you whiping Marc Fleury and his evil minions off the face of the earth.. You see they don’t matter. I post comments everywhere about how much they don’t matter. My inner girl cries for all of you.. It is too bad I don’t code or do anything but write inane rants or I would outshine Marc Fleury surely. Marc Fleury Marc Fleury doesn’t matter.
January 30th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
“Martin Fowler, while a smart cookie, should definitely be off the list for the horrific damage he’s done to the java community with his bullshit.”
Finally, someone has the balls to say openly what I’ve thought since the first time I met Martin Fraudster. ‘Dependency Injection’ my ass
January 30th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
A top fifty list is coming
Spewing sperm spoutishly
I feel my pain.
Ouch.
January 30th, 2004 at 2:03 pm
I want to see a Top 50 Bile Entries list.
This would surely be up there.
January 30th, 2004 at 2:22 pm
I agree. I’ve seen Martin and Aslak’s commentary on this IoC trendy goop and it seems that while IoC can be a good thing….for Containers. What else does it really promise us in terms of really better software ie: ease of use. There is so much focus on polishing gears when the actual interfaces and ease of use/functionality is left to rot. How about the wonderful state of MiddleGen? Granted it was a neat tool but getting any kind of help was a bitch and I’ve spent several days working with the shite it’s generated. I don’t see anything mentioned about JAG, SOFIA or AOP or Eclipse (if we are looking at some decent attempts this year). It is also interesting to note Rikard or Jason’s absense. But no one should get kudos in my opinion, Java is still losing ground to dotFRET.
January 30th, 2004 at 2:24 pm
By the way, Martin Fowler is a smart cookie. I think the Agile Manifesto stuff messed him up. Scott Ambler and Martin Fowler have contributed a lot in the past….but still, no one is saving us today (and still do in some ways). I also see many of these other contributions as complicating rather than simplifying things. Everyone is doing it/polishing the gears, losing sight of architecture and functionality/ease completely.
January 30th, 2004 at 3:22 pm
oh guys. that’s the best you can come up with? i have never claimed to be anything but just an ordinary, very average geek. I have no glory to my name, but endless hours of very ordinary crap that failed thousand times in thousand projects. I have been a lousy coder many times, a sloppy one on others. I am the average joe/jane who made every possible fucking coding mistake known to mankind. I know that i am so very average, i know that i don’t have the brilliancy you are all so blessed with, i know that i am not creating any visions saving Java from anything. There are enough of you self-claimed arrogant asses to go around. I dont think the world misses anything by not having me in there.
That being said,
i have to right to get angry, more than you brilliant pussy souls out there, because, it is the average joe/jane who suffers where I live, the ones like me, with every fucking whim for example Fowler farts out of his ass, we have to apply, because some idiot at work thinks Fowler is God. I am the average Jane who had to work through the XP crap and no introspection, or self-realization, or any of the spiritual crap saved my ass from that insane desire to go out and shoot Beck/Cunnigham/Fowler and all the XP idiots who came up with this insane crap.
And you tell me, you fucking pussy, you tell me that i have no right to speak. Oh yes, i do, and i will, always. At the end, it is me who pays the price, because the ones like me, the average crappy coder, we also carry a bit of integrity inside ourselves, or do you think, because we are crappy average coders, that we shouldnt have right to even integrity? There are numerous average Joe/Jane out there who wants to do a good job, who wants to be really proud of their work, so reading endless hours of your bullshit, hoping to catch glimpses or clues as to how to do it better, where did we fuck up before if we did? And what we learned from it?
And you know what I fucking learned from it, the average Jane? I am no longer interested in every fart that comes out of the ones like Fowler or his drones.
So, don’t you fucking asshole tell me that i can not complain. I have more right even than the others to do so. I fucking have to live with this shit they come up with every day..
January 30th, 2004 at 3:29 pm
HANI FOR PRESIDENT 2004!
Yahaw!
January 30th, 2004 at 3:30 pm
We should add “Anonymouse” to that list. Not only is he a cowardly bastard but one that can’t spell to boot.
January 30th, 2004 at 3:44 pm
gh
January 30th, 2004 at 4:33 pm
Seems like there is a lot of ass-kissing lackeys in here.
January 30th, 2004 at 4:42 pm
We fixed the Javablogs ignore thing last week (for some value of “fixed”).
January 30th, 2004 at 5:40 pm
hani, why havent you biled the transvestite yet? What is with that?
January 30th, 2004 at 5:42 pm
Nice job guys, Hani and Chiara.
What is about opening an alternative blog called http://TheBileSide.com with chief editor Hani? As the answer to the crowd of fervent idiots?
January 30th, 2004 at 8:26 pm
TheBileSide! Awesome!
(by now, someone already registered the name, and TSS is willing to sue)
January 30th, 2004 at 9:50 pm
I’ve seen a number of pusillanimous and pathological things over the years, but Marc Fleury’s doctrines really take the cake. One of my objectives is to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to honor our nation’s glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. Who else but Fleury would have the brass to call evil good and good evil? No one. And where does that brass come from? It comes from a sure knowledge that he can retreat into his “victim” status if anyone calls him to account.
What’s interesting is that we are observing the change in our society’s philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these “values” are artistically incorporated in one person: Marc Fleury. Whenever he tries to brand me as disgusting, so do uncivilized braggarts. Similarly, whenever he attempts to scar little children’s self-image, disdainful, sick misogynists typically attempt the same. I do not seek to draw any causal scheme from these correlations. I mention them only because he and I disagree about our civic duties. I believe that we must do our utmost to put to rest ridiculous and bitter strictures such as Fleury’s as expeditiously as possible. Fleury, on the other hand, believes that censorship could benefit us.
While I am not attempting to argue openly in favor of any particular position, when I first became aware of his covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince Fleury that it would be a semantic quibble to deny that his goals coalesce with those of evil effete-types. As I expected, Fleury was utterly unconvinced. The hour is late indeed. Fortunately, it’s not yet too late to rouse people’s indignation at Fleury.
Of course, he would love to see me cry. I say “of course,” because this is a free country, and I, for one, insist we ought to keep it that way.
When you get right down to it, I can sincerely suggest how Fleury ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral rectitude lies with Fleury himself. Am I the only one who makes that observation? Of course not. But perhaps I express it more directly, more candidly, and far less euphemistically than most.
Some readers may doubt that he is negligent enough to impale us on the pike of paternalism. So let me provide some evidence. But before I do, let me just say that in order to prevent the production of a new crop of the most tendentious hedonists I’ve ever seen, we must embrace diversity. And that’s just the first step. Remember, I am asking the readers of this letter to be aware that I oppose, deplore, and disavow discrimination, extremism, and hatred of every kind. So don’t feed me any phony baloney about how he is the one who will lead us to our great shining future. That’s just not true. Even people who consider themselves homicidal prigs generally agree that Fleury’s shenanigans are simply the result of vested interests striking back at a group whose actions in support of religious freedom, social reform, and government accountability have cut through those vested interests. Think about it, and I’m sure you’ll agree with me. I must surely add my voice to the chorus of those who expand people’s understanding of Fleury’s unrealistic, drugged-out orations. Well, that’s a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I’m afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: I have a problem with Fleury’s use of the phrase, “We all know that…”. With this phrase, he doesn’t need to prove his claim that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not; he merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, we should spread awareness of the dastardly nature of his ruses. (Goodness knows, our elected officials aren’t going to.)
While there is inevitable overlap at the edges of political movements, Fleury claims that the laws of nature don’t apply to him. I would say that that claim is 70% folderol, 20% twaddle, and 10% another execrable attempt to deprive individuals of the right to think outside the box. He needs to stop living in denial. He needs to wake up and realize that even the most flippant twits I’ve ever seen are ashamed of being associated with his brutish reasoning and vitriolic modes of thought — and Fleury knows it.
Can you really blame me for suggesting that all of his prank phone calls contain loquacious elements? Let me carry my thoughts on this subject a bit further. Fleury’s actions are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause.
I don’t know if I speak for anybody but myself on this, but Fleury’s hangers-on consider his expositions a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of favoritism. My prediction that Fleury would declare that the Earth is flat came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. No matter what he thinks, what we have been imparting to him — or what he has been eliciting from us — is a half-submerged, barely intended logic, contaminated by wishes and tendencies we prefer not to acknowledge.
The more I think about odious segregationists, the more troubled I become by his slogans. Astute observers have known for years that a central fault line runs through each of Fleury’s deeds. Specifically, to believe that university professors must conform their theses and conclusions to Fleury’s effrontive prejudices if they want to publish papers and advance their careers is to deceive ourselves. For the purpose of this discussion, let’s say that I myself am not trying to save the world — I gave up that pursuit a long time ago. But I am trying to invigorate the effort to reach solutions by increasing the scope of the inquiry, rather than by narrowing or abandoning it. Fleury has spent untold hours trying to substitute breast-beating and schwarmerei for action and honest debate. During that time, did it ever once occur to him that I, not being one of the many squalid airheads of this world, have no idea why Marc Fleury wannabees have sprouted across the country like mushrooms after a downpour? That is, does he realize he’s more pushy than most annoying ingrates? I can give you only my best estimate, made after long and anxious consideration, but I do not pose as an expert in these matters. I can say only that you may have noticed that what he insists are original opinions are nothing more than warmed-over versions of barbarism. But you don’t know the half of it. For starters, Fleury is indubitably up to something. I don’t know exactly what, but I must ask that his secret police appeal not to the contented and satisfied, but embrace those tormented by suffering, those without peace, the unhappy and the discontented. I know they’ll never do that, so here’s an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to take us over the edge of the abyss of elitism. All in all, Fleury’s legatees have learned their scripts well, and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation. My eventual goal for this letter is to foster mutual understanding. I’m counting on you for your support.
January 30th, 2004 at 10:20 pm
Jesus, Chiara. How do you get any work done?
January 30th, 2004 at 10:29 pm
Wow, thanks, Nathalie. Really good comment. Too bad you mispelled your name (and URL).
January 30th, 2004 at 10:34 pm
hey thanks Nathalie. I wish, i could write like that. heehhe, man, all those pretentious words, lord, how we came to know your style, girl. I had to look at the dictionary for most of these words, and i thought *pusillanimous* had something to do with pussy. geez. oh, too much fun. of course, you say nothing as usual, but just the pretentious words, just as pretentious as you are.
January 31st, 2004 at 12:18 am
Hey, Nathalie, Chiara’s stuff is much joy to read … all those pussy … and fucks…. mh-mh-mh…. am I only pervert here ?
Anyway, your protectionism smells bad … is Mr.Fleury so desperate that you have to do it here ?
January 31st, 2004 at 1:16 am
Click that URL to see TheBileSide.
January 31st, 2004 at 10:02 am
Sorry to disappoint you guys, but I don’t have the time or inclination to write that sort of stuff. And, that’s not exactly my style either. My pretentious writing is freely available and attributed on my blog. My interests are more lit and culture than the poly-sci flavor of the above.
Nathalie
January 31st, 2004 at 10:26 am
Natalie,
Fuck off.
January 31st, 2004 at 11:11 am
wow, you guys really are something. Nathalie wanted me to read the chiara post, and I must say bravo to whoever wrote it, it is really funny.
Since it is just us girls here, and no one is watching I will share in the martin fowler is an impostor feeling. What a clown. IoC is gay.
January 31st, 2004 at 12:05 pm
According to Gender Genie (http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html), the author of the extended rant is actually male. The logged IP address is somewhere in North Carolina, so it’s definitely Andrew C. Oliver. Also, the second Marc post (the one that kind of sounds like Marc) evaluates as male, and the IP originates in Georgia, so it’s definitely Elton John.
January 31st, 2004 at 12:16 pm
Hey marc, what do you have against clowns ? Any more of that crap and my mate the Puncher will be coming to call.
January 31st, 2004 at 12:32 pm
But Cameron, Gender Genie thinks that the author of your post is a GIRL. Are you a GIRL ? I always suspected, but now we know
January 31st, 2004 at 1:23 pm
Can you say “busted”? Please don’t tell my parents.
January 31st, 2004 at 5:27 pm
Dude, this is getting pretty fucked up right here. Who are these people really? Does anyone know?
January 31st, 2004 at 8:28 pm
Um Idiota anónimo enviou-nos uma carta anónima em inglês sobre a Balbina Silvão. Supomos que o nosso Idiota anónimo terá ficado muito chocado com a campanha da Dona Balbina sobre o seu “Direito à Censura”. O inglês da carta deve ser para disfarçar a identidade do Idiota anónimo, pois tudo indica que se trata de um dos “funcionários” da Dona Balbina a trabalhar no Centro de Difusão de Pepinês.
February 1st, 2004 at 6:22 am
*sniff* The “midas touch of shit” passage brought a tear to my eye. You and me – we are compadres, man.
February 1st, 2004 at 2:31 pm
Well Said, Rampant C.
Marc is a clown, and so is Scott.
February 1st, 2004 at 2:31 pm
JBoss is so on the verge of irrelevance, why do you guys even care?
February 2nd, 2004 at 2:55 am
Hani, the *least* you could do is spell my name the same way each time so that Google can find these posts again! According to your previous bile about me, it was “Craig McStruts”. Can’t you at least be consistent?
Craig McClanahan
February 2nd, 2004 at 1:35 pm
Yeah, you’re making it difficult on us ego surfing turds.
I mean, how am I supposed to turn out a higher hit count than Jason Cunter if you keep spelling my name wrong?
February 3rd, 2004 at 6:57 am
Why someone would write a blog full of shit, and commented with shit comments as well.
This whole blog looks like shit, smells like shit, and maybe tastes like shit.
Holy shit, this blog is shit.
February 3rd, 2004 at 11:15 am
Harod,
you like saying “s h i t” alotm don’t you?
http://www.theserverside.com/news/thread.jsp?thread_id=23208&noise=show#106322
February 3rd, 2004 at 3:14 pm
I sure am glad that I didn’t make the list. My delusions od granduer would have been smashed by Sir Bile.
February 3rd, 2004 at 8:55 pm
Clown Puncher,
Yep, I’m Hani’s brother.
Sounds similar, eh
July 27th, 2004 at 9:58 am
asdf
February 25th, 2005 at 10:25 am
Check your vocabulary on that.
June 7th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
TW is going down.