A bile interview with Marc Fleury
TSS recently published a link to an interview that Mr Marc Fleury gave. Surprisingly enough, at the same time Marc has consented to a heart to heart interview with none other than the bileblog. Lets see what he has to say about a wide range of topics…
BB
: You’ve often advocated the powers of JBoss caching, can you tell us a bit more about it?
MF: Actually, JBoss caching is very clever and complex. We give you the fabled option D to compete with options A, B, and C. We allow for incredible amounts of tweaking of cache behaviour, we’ve even implemented some truly mind boggling paradigms that reflect real world needs. Performance is clearly an academic issue, in the real world, people simply like as many options as possible. JBoss is so clever that it allows you to tweak these options to your
heart’s content, yet we always ensure we come out last in any performance test, in order to maintain consistency. We realize that every single application server other than JBoss has superior caching configuration and performance, but what we lack in those areas, we make up for in tweakability and lack of documentation.
BB: What do you think of CMP 2.0?
MF: It is a silver bullet to every single persistence problem that has plagued man since the dawn of time. CMP 2.0 addresses everything. JDO is so rubbish that CMP will run over it like a truck. We’re pondering adding JDO support in JBoss 4.0. We also think we’re past the J2EE world, and JBoss 4.0 will catapult you into the stratosphere of application development. Honest, the stratosphere, mon amour.
BB: What do you think of your competitors?
MF: They’re a bunch of motherfuckers! We’re the BEA killer. We’re the IBM killer.
We’re the best. I’m the best. We have an incredibly international team composed of a few people. However, don’t be fooled by this small number, we are actually fifty thousand developers strong. Anyone who has looked at our code is a developer. This is why we’ll win, through sheer force of mass. We also have more downloads than anyone has ever had of anything. Yes, so what if we count every single download of every single release as a new one? Common sense marketing says we must do it that way. BEA are assholes, they should go fuck themselves.
BB
: Tell us about the licensing quarrel you have with Sun.
MF: They’re assholes. Greedy assholes. I am doing them a favour by bringing EJB to the masses, and all they do is act all businessy in my face with their antiquated licensing issues. They owe it to me to give me everything for free, after all, I am giving away my server for free. Also, how can I be expected to make any money if I have to give a single penny away? Everyone owes me respect and admiration, fuck you all. I hate Rickard, the ungrateful swine.
BB: I see. Your success with an open source product is also quite an example to other aspiring developers, what words of advice do you have for them?
MF: I think they should all give up. JBoss is the only open source product in the J2EE space that should exist. Any competition in this domain space will clearly be leveraging our work, and this is something we hate. I realize we’re open source, but in the end, I control it all. Any competitors should stick to writing small libraries and commons-*.jar snapshots. Officially, we welcome the competition, but realistically, we’ll squish them no matter what it takes. Finally, I’d like to mention that BSD style licenses are evil. JBoss is currently LGPL, so LGPL is good. If and when we switch, we’ll then endorse another license. For now assume that we’ll ruthlessly hunt down and taunt all those BSD weenies.
BB: Speaking of competitors, what is your view on CDN?
MF: They’re traitors. Filthy traitors. We have shut off all their CVS access for their own safety. If they think they’re so clever then they can take their filthy code elsewhere with them. Unless we own it, then we’ll sue them. See my upcoming paper ‘black and blue’ about how we intend to deal with these turncoats. My father is looking into the legality of hiring hitmen and strongarms to bully these infidentals into coming back to the hive.
BB: Thank you for your encouraging and helpful words, Mr Fleury. We look forward to hearing from you in the future.
August 26th, 2003 at 12:27 pm
Yet another fun and challenging Turing game :-) It’s unbelivably believable! It’s, like, you can’t tell the difference… what is real, what is unreal… it’s like the Matrix! Whoa! It’s like deja vu all over again!
August 26th, 2003 at 1:05 pm
“mon amour” should be “mon ami”, non? Or is this intentional?
I’m surprised that you didn’t use MF’s infamous “suck my d&*%” reply.
August 26th, 2003 at 1:13 pm
BileBlog – 7,000,000 readers per month!
August 26th, 2003 at 1:19 pm
both “mon ami” and “mon amour” exist in the french language, i suppose.
and this “mon amour” bit is esp delicious if u’ve read marcf’s “blue” paper, in which u can find a motto “CMP2.0, mon amour”.
August 26th, 2003 at 2:22 pm
mon amour = my love
mon ami = my friend
August 26th, 2003 at 4:12 pm
wow, i rather like this one. Hats off to you Hani.
Ok, i see now what it might mean for me the art of criticism. If it is written at an emotional level(your feelings, hatred etc), it loses quality.. If it is written objectively like this one, it is marvelous. And that’s where you really shine.. Keep that objectivity coupled with your sense of humor, i would say no limits.
August 26th, 2003 at 5:59 pm
this is again bileblog at its best.
BTW this “apos bug” does suck so much, that i cant believe it is still in freeroller ;-) Seems to be allready like a trademark for freeroller, perhaps its still in there for marketing reasons.
August 27th, 2003 at 11:47 am
Chiara, you little slug, slime your way back into your hole and carry on staring into the mirror.
August 27th, 2003 at 5:32 pm
rofl
November 23rd, 2004 at 9:07 pm
[Trackback] On Thursday, I had an interesting dialog with a marketing person from one of the leading commercial BPM companies and their product offerings. I asked if there were any industry analysts that fairly compared his product offering to open source…