Time to give back to the bileblog!
In the true spirit of opensource, I’ve decided to present people with the wonderful oppurtunity to give back some bile.
Have you ever read a name that sounded familiar, but were unsure of what to think of them? Ever seen someone casually say ‘well Rickard thinks…’ and wondered who on earth this Rickard chap is? How about overhearing ‘Fred Grott is a dyslexic twerp’ at a nearby table at lunch, you want to participate, but you just don’t remember anything about him.
Well fret no more! The BileBlog will come to your rescure with a ‘who’s who in java’ list. Amaze your friends with your pithy ignorant one liners! Women will flock to you, drawn by keen insight and prophetic ability to sum up any given person in a few cruel heartless words.
So, I am accepting submittions for short bio’s for pretty much anyone. Some ground rules first though. Random person X won’t get an entry on the list. They have to be someone with some measure of visibility (open source committers, obsessive bloggers, product developers, etc). They also have to be vaguely java related.
About the bio’s themselves, they have to be reasonable short (anything from one line to a short paragraph). They also have to include something negative. For every positive thing you feel compelled to say, you must provide at least one negative comment. It also has to have some kernel of truth to it. Nobody is off limits too, feel free to submit cruel summaries of me, and I’ll post it. Here are some examples:
I think you get the idea. If you want credit for your entry, you’ll be mentioned (I have editorial control though), if you want to submit anonymously, then you can gleefully sling mud in the true style of a slashdot anonymous coward, and I’ll get all the blame.
If I get suffient feedback, the who’s who will get regularly updated and refreshed. If I don’t, it’ll die a miserable death that many open source projects deserve. I’d also like to apologise in advance for all the people I like for any mean things that’ll be said about them, just remember to not shoot the messenger!
Right, this is an open source project, so start submitting. Comments, email, or scrawlings in blood all acceptable. Only requirement is some measure of coherency, and an adherance to the above rules.
June 25th, 2003 at 10:38 am
There once was a bugger called Hani,
His blog was a verbal tsunami,
But coming from him,
It’s filled to the brim,
With shite from his weeping old granny.
June 25th, 2003 at 1:53 pm
Hmm, hmm, who to pick on?
Marc Fleury: an advertising wonk wannabe, who apparently is great at walking on the shoulders of people less interested in self-aggrandizement than he is.
June 25th, 2003 at 1:58 pm
Jakarta: A magical place where useful but horribly documented projects take on an aura of inevitability and invincibility. Their annual jarfest is a wonder to behold.
June 25th, 2003 at 5:25 pm
I quote our long lost jjava (#java bot):
Joe Ottinger (Epesh) - a ray of dark dispair in a world of sunshine, rainbows, and puppy dogs.
June 25th, 2003 at 6:53 pm
Hani, this idea sucks.
June 25th, 2003 at 7:34 pm
Agreed. Why give people who seem to bask in their mental masturbation any more to write about in their precious blogs. Lampooning someone elevates them to a higher status by implicitly designating them as someone everyone knows enough about to get the joke. You can avoid puffing egos by not singling people out for notoriety and instead summarizing all of the java bloggers with the following velocity template:
—————–
[${blogger.name}] - An individual whose time would be better spent documenting ${whateverOpenSourceProjectIsCurrentlyInVogueAndEveryoneInsistsIsSuperiorToAllOtherOfferings } rather than plastering their unedited, feculent pearls of wisdom about the way java should be developed. Said pearls are usually quickly echoed elsewhere in the circle-jerk known as blogrolling.
—————-
I so win. I used an apache project (for street cred), mentioned java, and offended the largest number of people possible while still denying them the pleasure of being insulted as individuals. That’s bile babe.
June 25th, 2003 at 8:11 pm
Linus - self appointed trade secret appropriator
June 26th, 2003 at 6:13 am
Okay, this is a great idea, if slightly misled - but quoting jjava for me is .. lazy. There are so many negative things to pick on that the least you could do is pick up something nobody else remembered.
June 26th, 2003 at 8:01 am
NO SOUP TO ALL OF YOU!
June 28th, 2003 at 5:21 am
Man, some people just don’t get a joke!